Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy
by HexMark-007
Summary: Engineer's new teleporter went wrong after BLU Spy sapped it and his two test subjects, Sniper and Heavy Weapons Guy, were inadvertently teleported to another dimension of friendship and magic. Title may change in the future.
1. Prologue

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

_Sure, the Engineer's new teleporter worked well…_

**Prologue: Test Subjects**

There were no matches that day and Sniper appreciated the change of pace in his godforsaken life. He never bothered counting the days, months and years he had been in RED team but it sure felt like an eternity, especially with all the bloodshed, deaths and being controlled by a mysterious cynical woman.

It was a particularly hot afternoon in their base at Dustbowl and everyone was busy with their own thing. Most of them had gathered in the recreation room with the exception of the Engineer, Medic and Heavy Weapons Guy. Sniper was sure that the Engineer was using Heavy as his test subject for another new experiment of his and the Medic was there to clean up the mess should Heavy gets hurt. Not that Sniper bothered though.

He sat on a ruined couch with a mug of water in his hand. Behind the dark shades were two sharp eyes darting about as the Sniper assessed his team mates. Scout was playing table tennis with Pyro, Soldier was seated next to him with a remote control in his hand as he flipped through the television channels in search of a program worthy of his time, Spy was seated at the dinner table and fiddled with his butterfly knife with amazing dexterity and Demoman was being drunk as usual. The Scottish demolitions expert was laying face first on the floor next to the dinner table with an empty bottle of Scrumpy in his right hand.

"Those BLU maggots are up to something. I can feel it in my guts," Soldier said gruffly and turned off the television. "They're plotting against us, see!" he said while jabbing Sniper's arm roughly.

"Go bother someone else, wanka," Sniper growled. "I'm having a relaxing day and I don't need your concerns."

"Sniper's right, Major Malfunction, it ain't everyday we getta relax," Scout added.

"Relax? I bet that's what BLU wants us to do! When they catch us off guard, they're gonna slit our throats and gun us down on the spot! Oh no, they're not plotting against us, not on my watch, see! You maggots better thank me for saving your asses when it happens!" Soldier said and grabbed his rocket launcher from the weapons rack before leaving the recreation room.

"What's his problem?" Scout asked no one in particular.

"That simpleton has nothing in his mind but fighting," Spy answered. "He always thinks BLU is plotting against us."

"They do that all the time, we do that all the time, I don't see a reason for being worked up," Sniper remarked and took a sip of water from his mug.

Suddenly, a white ping pong ball smashed into his left eye and the Sniper dropped his mug in surprise. He glared at the Scout as he gave the Sniper an embarrassed grin along with a shrug. The Sniper retrieved his mug and put it on a coffee table next to the ruined couch.

"I'm going to do some shooting down at the firing range," said the Sniper.

He went to the weapons locker to retrieve his trusty rifle, sub-machine gun and kukri with him. The feeling of paranoia was overwhelming because after experiencing so many deaths in battle (especially getting stabbed in the back by the BLU Spy), he felt safer with full gear. Besides, he seldom left the base without a complete gear. Sniper felt that BLU was resting too but he was not taking any chances, not when the Soldier was about to stir up the hive.

Sniper never understood how each time he died, he would just return to life again with no wounds and full gear. Maybe Mann Co. had some special machine developed so they could repair the bodies of dead people but dying was no fun at all. It was scary the first few times but years of fighting against BLU, dying and respawning, death became a rather dull prospect and a part of his daily life. He would never have any peace unless he is released from his duty.

The top of the mining tower was his favorite spot to sit alone, wait for an enemy and snipe them. Today was different though. With no matches going on, the tower was a good spot for some peace and quiet. He had a Razorback hidden up there as well as some of his personal stash such as a picture of his family, his high school photo and an Elephant Gun which he never uses (it was just a reminder of his great grandfather who hunted elephants with the gun). The tower offered a good vantage point and a nice vista of the surrounding desert. He lied about going to the shooting range; he never wanted to. He only needed some peace and quiet.

There was a dirty old mattress next to the conveyor belt and since the Sniper was feeling a bit tired, he decided to take a nap. Just when he thought he could get some peace and quiet, his walkie-talkie sounded and the Engineer's voice came from the other end.

"Hey, Sniper, I need ya down here in the lab for a moment," Engineer said.

"I was about to take a nap you bloody…" the Sniper grumbled and retrieved his walkie-talkie strapped to his utility belt. "I'm coming," Sniper responded gruffly.

"Much obliged," Engineer remarked.

The Sniper retrieved his sniper rifle and slung it across his shoulder. He climbed down the tower and headed for the makeshift lab which was located not far from the spawn point. When Sniper entered the lab, he saw Engineer fixing a strange-looking circular object which resembled the teleporter. Heavy was on it while the Medic stood next to Heavy with his medigun ready.

"Ah, glad ya could make it, partner," Engineer said when he saw Sniper standing at the door. "I was about to test a new advanced mass teleporter which could teleport up to five of us in one shot into BLU territory without the need of another teleporter at the other end. If it works, we would have one heck of an advantage over BLU team."

"And I'm just the test subject?" Sniper asked.

"Um…ya could put it that way," Engineer muttered, "But don't worry, this is perfectly safe, I can assure ya that," he added hastily.

"Vat about ze cat, professor? Ze one zat vas blown into – " Medic was cut midsentence by a glare from the Engineer.

"It's perfectly safe so just stand next to Heavy will ya?" Engineer said and pushed Sniper towards the teleporter.

Sniper nearly lost his footing after his left foot caught the side of the teleporter but Heavy caught him just in time with his strong hands.

"Thanks mate," Sniper said while looking at Heavy.

"We make good team, da?" Heavy responded.

"So why is Medic here? You said the teleporter was safe," Sniper said while pointing a finger at Medic.

"Well…I uh…did say it was safe but…it's better safe than sorry," Engineer answered but Sniper caught a hint of fibbing in his tone.

The Medic seemed eager about something as Sniper caught him smiling slyly at them. If Sniper had not known better, Medic must be anticipating wounds and a body to work on. Sniper did not like it one bit.

"If ya'll would be kind enough to stand still, this test won't take too long. If it works, ya'll should be inside the BLU base," Engineer said as he prepared to power up the teleporter.

"You sending us to assault the BLU base? This isn't enough, mate," Sniper remarked.

"Nope, ya ain't assaulting BLU base. Just pop in and bug out," Engineer said casually.

Engineer powered up the teleporter and as energy slowly engulfed the two, a BLU spy uncloaked behind the Engineer and placed an electro-sapper onto his mass teleporter controller unit. The Engineer screamed in horror while the BLU Spy dropped the body of the Soldier in front of Engineer.

"Sorry to 'pop in' in unannounced but I do believe he belongs to you. If you're planning to infiltrate our base, I'm afraid that won't work," BLU Spy remarked and flicked a cigarette butt at Engineer.

"That bloody wanka!" Sniper said angrily and lifted his rifle.

"It's a holiday so I'm not interested in a fight but I suggest you keep away from our base and restrain this simpleton. Au revoir," BLU SPY said in a mocking tone and disappeared into thin air when he activated his cloaking device.

"Help now, we are stuck!" Heavy cried out when he found out that he could not step out of the energy field.

Engineer did his best to stop the energy field from engulfing the two but it was futile. The electro-sapper did a lot of damage to the control unit and rendered it unresponsive. The Medic seemed concerned and quickly tossed Heavy's weapon into the teleporter. Strangely, it could pass through the ever-strengthening energy field.

"If you teleport to ze Amazons, vatch out for ze piranhas!" Medic called out.

Heavy grabbed his weapon nodded his slowly. He was expecting the worst as the Engineer could do nothing to shut down the teleporter. The Sniper felt confused but he kept his cool and kept his weapon.

"You're going to pay for this," Sniper muttered and disappeared along with Heavy in a bright flash of light.

When the light receded, the energy field had dissipated and all that was left was the smell of ionized air and the powering down of the teleporter. Engineer was silent for five seconds before banging his gloved fist onto the sapped control unit.

"Dagit nagit nabit dagit!" he cursed loudly while banging the control unit.

"Vhere do you think zey have gone to?" Medic asked.

"I dunno! They could be teleported anywhere around the world or worse, an alternate reality!" Engineer replied angrily.

"So…vhat do ve do now?" Medic asked some more while lowering his medigun.

Engineer took deep breaths to calm himself down and wiped the sweat that accumulated on his face. He stared at the control unit for a while and tapped a finger thoughtfully. Engineer quickly removed the electro-sapper and retrieved his wrench and toolbox.

"I might be able to salvage the memory unit. If we're lucky, we can retrieve the coordinates of the receiving end. This may take a few days…" Engineer said and went to work.

Sniper felt like he was falling through an endless tunnel and as he tumbled and spun around, he could see what seemed like horses, no, ponies flash before his eyes. He tried to spot Heavy but tumbling made it hard to focus. He spread his arms and legs wide like a sky diver in an attempt to slow his spin and stop it completely. It worked and it did not take long for him to regain his bearings. Sniper looked around for Heavy once more but there was no sign of him. Instead, he only spotted Heavy's sandvich tumbling beside him.

"That lard bucket dropped his sandvich. I think I better keep it," Sniper said to himself and reached out his hand to grab it.

Sniper looked below him and saw light at the end of the tunnel, literally. He did not give it much thought and just went through the light, not wanting to know what was at the other side. He closed his eyes when the light got so bright that his shades could not block it all. After what felt like an eternity of freefalling through a tunnel, Sniper emerged at the other side of the bright light. He opened his eyes slowly and saw that he was falling straight into a river. Immediately, he changed his skydiver stance into a diver's stance because spreading eagle would hurt a lot if smacked onto the surface of the water. His right hand grabbed onto his hat and seconds later, he splashed into the river like a missile.

The water was deep enough to slow him down and prevent him from hitting the riverbed but the current was so strong that he found it hard to swim. He bobbed to the surface a few times only to be sucked back into the river again. Sniper never thought he would die this way and just as he was about to accept his fate, something grabbed him by the back of his shirt and lifted him to the surface. Sniper took a deep breath of air just as his face emerged from the water and he felt himself being placed onto dry land. Sniper coughed a few times to get rid of the water that went into his lungs and blew his nose as well.

"Are you alright?" his rescuer asked.

"You've done me a favor, mate, thank…you…"

Sniper could not believe what he was looking at. He found himself staring at what seemed to be a giant purple serpent with moustache and hair. Sniper thought he was dreaming but even after blinking his eyes and rubbing it (he even tried pinching himself), the serpent was still there and it was smiling at it. Sniper lifted a finger and pointed at the gigantic serpent. His mouth was open but no words came out from it.

"You like my hair? It's the latest fashion you know," the serpent said in a very flamboyant manner when he thought the Sniper was pointing at his hair.

"What the hell are you?" Sniper asked when words finally came out from his open mouth.


	2. Chapter 1

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

**Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins**

* * *

><p><strong>A note from Medic<strong>: And now it's time for ze responses. Oh, do forgive ze author if ze sentences sound funny. I have warned him not to write fictions late at night but zat dummkopf never listens to sound advice. In other notes, this is another *nearly* successful procedure.

angel 16: Thank you for liking!

Ancient2Fox: I'll try to update daily but assignments are a bitch. Thank you for reading!

NecromancerX69: I am Painis Cupcakes! I will eat you! :D

G.I.U.L.I.O: Yeah, I forgotten about the line break function. Silly me.

* * *

><p>The first thing Heavy felt after regaining consciousness was a dull pain in his chest. It felt like as if a ton of bricks were placed on his chest and breathing felt painful and laborious. Heavy was laying on his back and the Russian noticed he was in the middle of a forest. Could he be in the Amazons like what the Medic said? For once, Heavy was thankful that for being fat because the fat in him absorbed some of the impact when he fell to the ground. Nevertheless, he was still hurt.<p>

Heavy got back onto his feet and checked his inventory. His sandvich was missing but it was okay because he still had Sasha, his minigun, though the ammo drum had dented a little as a result of the fall. Heavy revved up Sasha but did not pull the trigger. It worked fine and Heavy let out a sigh of relief before hugging his gun lovingly.

"Sasha is okay, Heavy is happy," Heavy said.

It was quite foggy and wherever he was, it did not feel right. The forest was too quiet and Heavy could only hear the faint sounds of a river. He was definitely lost but Heavy decided to find his way out of the forest by following a worn-out path. It did not take him long before he encountered the remains of a castle.

"This is not Amazon," he said to himself.

The castle seemed like a European castle judging by its design but the surrounding forest did not seem like any forest that could be found in Europe. Heavy was puzzled but said nothing more. He decided to explore the ruins instead to see what he could find. With Sasha equipped, the fat Russian entered the ruins and his jog turned into a slow walk as he took his time to examine the designs of the ruins. As he explored further and deeper into the ruins, he found himself in a chamber with a stone pedestal at the other end.

Heavy kept Sasha and went to the pedestal to examine it. Just as he neared it, Heavy noticed several black metal shards on the grimy stone floor. He picked one of the pieces up and examined it. It looked a lot like Haunted Metal Scraps left behind by the Horseless Headless Horsemann and what unnerved him was that the metal felt almost exactly like Haunted Metal Scraps.

"Aw, this is bad," Heavy said when he realized that the Horseless Headless Horsemann could be in here.

Not wanting to face such a powerful enemy alone, Heavy quickly left the chamber but kept one of the pieces of metal in his pocket. Heavy returned to the path and followed it in the other direction instead. He came across a broken wooden bridge but Heavy looked around and spotted a fallen tree that linked his side of ravine to the other side. The trunk looked weathered and full of moss and fungi but Heavy decided to cross it anyway. Heavy stepped onto the makeshift bridge and with an unusual amount of dexterity, he managed to cross it though he had nearly lost his balance a few times due to Sasha's weight. When he stepped off the tree trunk, the entire thing gave out and crumbled into pieces and fell down into the ravine.

"That was close," Heavy muttered.

He felt the metal in his pocket pulse again and this time it disturbed him. If the metal was alive, that could mean big trouble. The Russian discarded the metal and went on his way. While he was busy finding his way out, Heavy's stomach started to growl hungrily. According to his watch, it was only two in the afternoon but the color of the sky had a yellow-orange hue. It was evening here and Heavy had to find civilization and fast if he were to get out of the forest alive.

* * *

><p>While Sniper loved a good chat, he did not appreciate a blabbermouth (especially people like Scout). Two hours ago, he met a river serpent with a head of hair and moustache and ever since then, the serpent had been blabbering about who he was and how his life as a river serpent was like and all Sniper could do was sit on a boulder and listen to him blab away for two hours. He had been kind enough not to stop the serpent but with daylight running out and his patience wearing thin, Sniper cleared his throat loudly to get the attention of the river serpent.<p>

"Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to say something?" the river serpent asked when he heard Sniper clear his throat.

"No, but I really have to go," Sniper answered with his arms crossed.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry for keeping you here and listening to me talk so much. I've been talking so much that I didn't get your name," the river serpent remarked.

"Just call me Sniper," Sniper replied.

"Sniper…that's a funny name. Say, what kind of creature are you? I've never seen your kind around here before," said the river serpent inquisitively while sizing up Sniper.

"I'm a human and if you really don't mind, I want to know where the nearest settlement is," Sniper said impatiently.

"Nearest settlement…nearest settlement…ah, you see that path over there?" the river serpent said and pointed and a dirt path not far from where Sniper stood, "just follow that path and it'll bring you to a small town."

"Thanks mate, I appreciate the help," Sniper replied and put on his hat and picked up his sniper rifle.

"It's good to meet new faces once in a while. I'll see you when I see you, Sniper. So long!" the river serpent waved goodbye and dived into the river.

"Pah, good riddance," Sniper muttered.

The Australian sharpshooter got off the boulder he was sitting on and adjusted his black vest and red shirt. It was still wet and it was getting really uncomfortable. What he needed was a safe spot to start a campfire so he could dry his clothes. He lived off the land before and living in jungles with minimal supplies was nothing new to him. Sniper was also hungry but Heavy's sandvich was soggy after soaking in water so Sniper discarded it. Better to hunt for wild meat than eat a soggy sandvich which would obviously taste horrible.

He followed the narrow dirt path through the forest and this was the only time when he was truly alone without his other team mates bugging him. The coolness and quietness for the forest gave Sniper an opportunity to think and assess the situation he was in now. Judging by the trees of the forest, he could be in the Amazon like what Medic said but then again, the atmosphere did not feel anything like a tropical forest. The air was not humid enough.

"Alright, I just talked to a talking…serpent thing and logic would dictate that it could not be possible at all. Maybe this is a dream…" Sniper muttered to himself thoughtfully while rubbing his chin.

Sniper stopped in his tracks and pinched himself, hoping that it was really just a dream but he felt pain when he did that and this time, he tried touching the environment around him. He felt the ground, the trees, and the flowers and even chewed on some wild edible berries. They all felt and tasted real and Sniper was sure he was awake the whole time. Unable to find a rational explanation for a talking river serpent, Sniper decided not to think about his meeting with the serpent any further.

He heard rustling noises come behind some bushes and with quick reflexes, Sniper unslung his rifle and his walks became tiptoes. Sniper approached the bushes and slowly pushed aside the bush to see what was behind it. It was a wild doe and it was grazing grass with two fawns. Sniper crouched low as to keep a low profile so the deer would not spot him easily. Slowly, Sniper leveled his rifle and aimed for the doe's head. Sniper had turned off the laser designator as not to attract any attention.

"I'm having wild meat tonight and you're my dinner," Sniper said to himself softly in a cold and professional voice.

He took note of the rifle's charge bar as it slowly filled up. Once the charge bar was full, it allowed Sniper to fire his weapon for high damages. It was very useful during battles, especially against heavy hitters with high damage thresholds like the BLU Heavy. Getting it to charge fully requires him to keep on aiming at the target and it required a lot of skill. Shooting a static target such as the doe was a piece of cake and all Sniper needed to do was to pull the trigger. He had to be quick though or his meal would run away.

"Yes…just stay there," Sniper muttered.

Just when his charge meter was about to fill up and Sniper was getting ready to deliver the fatal shot, another foreign sound disturbed the doe and her fawns. The three deer took flight and Sniper cursed softly under his breath. Still hidden behind the bush, Sniper listened closely for the foreign sound. It came from a small cliff some distance away from where Sniper was hiding and through the scope, Sniper saw a group of ponies walking on the cliff and was headed towards the river. Sniper raised an eyebrow in confusion when he saw one of the ponies talk. He could not hear what the pony was saying but it was clear the pony's mouth moved like as if it was talking. Another thing that confused him further was that the pony had a horn while the rest had wings or looked like a normal pony. Some had bright colors while others had dark colors. They even showed expressions such as anger and amusement.

"Holy dooley, I think I must be dreaming again!" Sniper exclaimed.

Now he was really confused. First a talking river serpent, now a group of ponies with human traits. He was either nearing a top secret research facility that researched on talking creatures or he was still dreaming. The former seemed plausible though he doubted that even mega corporations like Mann Co. would pursue such nonsense. Who needs talking ponies with mutations when they could just send humans and machines to get things done? There were many questions raised in Sniper's mind now but his hunger got the best of him.

"You're lucky that I'm not shooting you for chasing away my prey," Sniper mumbled angrily and went off to find other sources of food.

* * *

><p>Heavy was scratching his bald head thoughtfully. He was standing in front of a river that was too dangerous to swim across and there were no bridges in sight except for several exposed stones which required him to leap from one stone to the other if he were to get across. Heavy considered turning around to find another way across but he did not fancy the idea of exploring the dark forest alone and daylight was running out fast.<p>

"Very well, I will take the risk," Heavy said with confidence.

He leapt onto the first stone and tried to maintain his balance. The stones were flat but they were wet and slippery. If he lost his balance, he could fall into the river and be swept away by its currents. Heavy was used to dying as he was killed multiple times during tournaments and battles against BLU team but this time, there was no spawn machine and if he dies, that was it.

The fat Russian leapt from stone to stone and so far, he was lucky to maintain his balance despite his heavy body weight and the weight of his beloved minigun. However, just when he was about to leap towards the last stone, Heavy slipped and plunged into the river. He struggled to keep his head above the surface but the river dragged him under and Heavy swallowed a mouthful of water every time it happened. Heavy felt like he was going to drown when something grabbed him by his shirt collar and lifted him out of the water. The thing that grabbed him then deposited him at the river bank.

"You're lucky that I happen to come across you, fat one. I've forgotten about my wallet," someone said in a flamboyant and dramatic voice.

Heavy coughed out water that got into his lungs and took three deep breaths and sighed in relief. He was about to thank his rescuer and a smile was on his face but the smile was quickly replaced with a look of confusion when he saw that his rescuer was a purple river serpent with a head of hair and moustache.

"What are you?" Heavy asked.

"Oh me? I'm just a friendly neighborhood river serpent," answered the river serpent. "Say, are you a human too?" the serpent asked.

"Yes, Heavy is human," Heavy replied with uncertainty as he was unsure whether he was hallucinating or not.

"Oh goody, another human friend! You know, not too long ago, I met another human. He had a red shirt like you too and he has a pair of shades. Mm, he's got style," the serpent said with a nod.

"Oh ho, that must be Sniper! Sniper is my friend," Heavy said happily.

"Oh, how nice! If you're looking for him, he went down that dirt path. Just follow it," the river serpent remarked and pointed at the dirt path that was next to Heavy.

"Thank you!" Heavy replied with a wide grin.

"You're welcome! Say hi to your friend for me, will you? I'll see you when I see you," the river serpent said and dove beneath the river.

Heavy stood there for a while as his mind processed what just happened. It was clear he just interacted with something but how could it be possible that a giant talking river serpent existed? This one even had more hair than Heavy's head! Heavy wanted to think that the existence of a talking river serpent was a dream but if it was, who saved him from drowning then?

The fat Russian thought about it for a while and laughed loudly. It was impossible that a talking creature existed. It must be his sheer will of survival that allowed him to swim to shore and save himself from drowning. That has to be the explanation. Just when Heavy thought his explanation could never be wrong, he saw the river serpent surface again and it looked at Heavy while Heavy looked back with his jaws dropped.

"Oh, you're still here. I've forgotten my wallet. Well, I'll see you some other time, my human friend. I'm late for my pedicure," the river serpent said and went away.

"It's not possible!" Heavy exclaimed a few seconds later.

* * *

><p>Sniper cursed his bad luck and the ponies that scared his prey away. He tried looking for other food sources and all he got were some wild berries. He kept the berries inside his vest's pocket and popped some into his mouth whenever he felt like eating. It felt like he had been walking for hours and his plan to start a campfire was dashed when it started raining. Night was fast approaching and even though his clothes were already dry, his socks were still wet and it was getting uncomfortable for him.<p>

Just then, something caught his attention. From where he was standing, it looked like there was a small town at yonder at the end of the forest. Sniper used his rifle's scope to confirm his sightings and it turned it out that there was really a town at the end of the forest. With a rare smile on his face, Sniper made a dash for the end. He was looking forward to a good meal, dry feet and a place to rest for the night but when he almost neared the end of the forest, he saw a pink pony standing on the bridge which spanned across a small stream that separated the town and the forest. Sniper quickly stopped in his tracks.

"_Another pony? Don't tell me this one could talk too," _Sniper thought to himself. "Um…hello there, little pony," Sniper said.

The pink pony stared at him for a few seconds before she did a long and loud gasp while floating in midair as if it had seen a ghost and zipped away in the opposite direction. Sniper had seen crazy reactions but this one took the cake for being bizarre. The pony actually defied gravity when she did the gasp while floating in midair.

"What was that all about?" he wondered to himself.

If this town was a town of talking ponies, Sniper did not know what kind of reception he would receive so he decided to play it safe and snuck into town quietly. The night was still young so there were still ponies on the streets though not enough to call a crowd. Sniper observed their every move as he hid from one building to the other. They definitely exhibited human traits, they talked and they hung out in places like restaurants, parks and cafes. If ponies built this town, Sniper could not fathom how they did it when they had no fingers to grip onto tools.

Sniper approached what seemed like the center of town and there was plenty of open area for him to expose himself. His made a quick scan of the area and found that there was a bridge that led to another part of town but it was at the other end of the town square. Sniper had no choice but to use the buildings as cover and made one big round until he reached the bridge. So far so good and just when he was about to congratulate himself for being such a professional in sneaking, someone pulled the tail of his shirt. Sniper was startled and quickly turned around to see who did that. It was the same pink pony and this time, instead of acting as if it had seen a ghost, it smiled at Sniper with a wide grin.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! What are you? What's your name? What is that long thingy you have behind you?" the pink pony asked rapidly and pointed at Sniper's weapon.

She spoke too loud and Sniper did not want to expose himself to unwanted attention so he grabbed her by the mouth and handled her as if he was holding the pony hostage. She was surprised by his actions and struggled to free herself but Sniper was stronger than her. Luckily though, he did not intend to hurt her…unless she tries to reveal him.

"You say your name was Pinkie Pie, yes?" Pinkie nodded her head. "Alright, Pinkie, listen to me and listen closely," Sniper whispered, "I want you to take me to your establishment and if you try to make any noise that will reveal me, I'll slit your throat nice and clean. You got that?" he asked and pointed the tip of his kukri at the pink pony's face.

Rather than feel threatened, Sniper saw that Pinkie was still smiling at him. Sniper did not let go of her mouth since he could not afford the pink pony's mouth to run off and attract a crowd so he asked her to point the way. The Australian was led to a building which looked like a gigantic confectionary and Sniper gingerly opened the door. It was all quiet and no one was in sight. He let himself in and slowly closed the door before letting go of Pinkie Pie.

"Listen you, I want you to answer some questions I have for you. Where am I and how is that animals here talk?" Sniper asked as he turned his attention to the grinning pink pony.

"You're a silly filly," Pinkie Pie remarked energetically, "not all animals here talk and you're now in Ponyville! Gasp, you're new here! We should throw a party!" Pinkie Pie said loudly while leaping up and down happily.

Sniper panicked the moment she started talking loudly and again he reached for his kukri but when he felt his utility belt for it, his melee weapon was missing. Frantically, he searched about for it until he saw that Pinkie Pie was toying with it.

"How'd you - "

"Oh, what is this? Is that a knife? Why does it look so different? Why is it curved?" Pinkie Pie asked in rapid succession.

"I'm gonna shut that wanka up even if I have to…where's my gun?" Sniper exclaimed when his sniper rifle was missing.

He looked at Pinkie Pie again and again, she took his weapon without him noticing it at all. She played around with the scope and peered through and laughed when she saw the Sniper's angry and confused face magnified.

"What do you call this? Is it a toy? Why is there a red dot in the middle of this thing?" she asked while playing with the sniper scope.

Sniper sighed in exasperation and planted his face into the palm of his right hand. Maybe he should just stop trying to make sense of where he was right now. Dream or not, it became apparent to Sniper that this was not the world he knew of and lived in. Sniper sat on the floor and thought of what to do next.

"I give up…" Sniper muttered when he could not think of anything.

"Were we playing a game? Did I win something?" Pinkie Pie asked the downtrodden Australian.

"No…I just…I mean…this doesn't make sense. Some time ago, I'm in Dustbowl minding my own business. Now I'm in the middle of who-knows-what place this is and all I see are talking ponies," Sniper muttered.

"You're a silly thing you know," Pinkie Pie remarked. "All ponies talk and if you're looking for a dustbowl, I've got one."

She went to the cupboard and retrieved a bowl that was not used for a long time and it was covered with dust and dirt. Pinkie handed Sniper the bowl but all she got was a look of confusion.

"What? You said you wanted a dustbowl," Pinkie said.

"I didn't mean that kind of dusty bowl," Sniper said with a smile. "But…thank you…for…well…trying to help."

"You're welcome!" Pinkie said happily. "But, what are you anyway? I don't think I've seen your kind before."

"For starters, mate, I'm a human and I come from a country called Australia. As for what I do for a living…it's a long story," Sniper said flatly.

Pinkie Pie sat on the floor and listened to Sniper tell his life's story.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Heavy took a different route to town. He ended up at the other side of town instead and found himself standing in front of a cozy-looking cottage. Since it was already night and Heavy did not fancy staying in the forest, he went up to the front door and knocked on it. When nobody answered the door, Heavy knocked at it again. This time, he heard a soft voice come from inside.<p>

"Coming," the voice called out sweetly.

When the door opened, Heavy's eyes were wide open. Instead of a human, he was looking a yellow winged pony with a pink mane. The pony stared back at the towering Russian with an expression of fear in its face.

"Uh…is little pony okay?" Heavy asked.

The pony shuddered for a bit and finally fell to the floor, petrified from shock. While Heavy was a tough guy with a rather simple vocabulary, he was a lovable man at heart and he was what most people called a gentle giant, if there was no battle that is. Heavy quickly picked up the petrified pony with his strong hands and put it down on a couch. For some reason, Heavy felt pity for the pony and waited for it to calm down. It was a long wait but after a while, the yellow pony finally regained its composure but it was still cautious of Heavy.

"Little pony is funny," Heavy said while chuckling at the yellow pegasus.

"Um…eep," the pony squeaked shyly.

"Don't worry, little pony, Heavy is good guy and Heavy don't hurt innocent little pony," Heavy said while trying to assure the timid pegasus that he meant no harm.

The pegasus nodded her head slowly. Since it did not seem like he was welcomed, Heavy wanted to leave the cottage but he felt a small tug on his pants. The Russian turned around and saw the yellow pegasus staring up at him.

"Um…sorry…I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome," the pegasus said softly. "You look like you're tired. Please stay for a while."

Heavy paused for a while and smiled at Fluttershy.

"Da, Heavy will stay for a while. Thank you, little pony!"

"Please, call me Fluttershy," the pegasus said with a soft smile on her face.

* * *

><p>End Note: Valve owns TF2 while Hasbro own MLP:FiM.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

**Chapter 2: Scenarios (the bad, the ugly and the fun)**

* * *

><p><strong>Note from the Medic: <strong>_Again I warned zat dummkopf not to write in ze middle of ze night. Now he's bound to make some mistakes! Ahem, in other news, I hereby announce ze new chapter with a strange name. Do remember to comment and if you have any ideas, ze writer would love to hear it. Now, it is time to go rip ze BLU team!  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Back at Dustbowl…<em>

"So…you're saying that you don't have a way to recover Sniper and Heavy?" Spy asked Engineer while he watched the Texan reprogram the teleporter.

"No, I'm saying that it's gonna take me some time to recover the coordinates of the place where they have been sent to. Your BLU friend did quite a damage to the master control unit and I tell ye it ain't easy to fix such a banged up computer," Engineer replied impatiently.

"We can still beat BLU without their help. I can do what Heavy do and one less camper means more fight on the battlefield," the newly respawned Soldier remarked.

Engineer ignored Soldier and continued reprogramming while the rest of his team looked on in anticipation. He had retrieved a fraction of the coordinates but it will take another few days before he could retrieve the full coordinates and another week to repair the advanced mass teleporter back to operational status. Nevertheless, the Texan was pleased with his progress.

"Huh…that's very odd," Engineer muttered when he saw some strange coordinates appear on his repair terminal. "The coordinates usually start with North, South, East or West but…this one is strange. The coordinates are nothing like what I've seen before."

"Um, English, professor, do you speak it? I don't think most of us here got what you just said," Scout commented.

"The coordinates point to another dimension and that's the simplest explanation I can give," Engineer explained.

"But I thought you said that the coordinates you have now are only fragments so how can you be sure about it?" Scout asked.

"Listen, boy," Engineer said and turned around to face the Scout and pointed his wrench at Scout, "I'm an Engineer and I solve practical problems so I'm good at what I'm doing. All teleporters, be it our teleporter or BLU's teleporter, use the same method of teleporting and each utilize the same codes and coordinates to function. In other words, it's universal. It's not hard to spot a strange code or coordinate when I see one."

"If that is the case, laddie, where do you think Sniper and Heavy went to?" Demoman asked during one of his more sober moments.

"I can't say for certain just yet because these coordinates are unlike anything I've read or seen before. It's possible that it leads to another dimension but that's the best assumption I could give," Engineer answered without taking his eyes off the machine.

Before he could get back to work though, the alarms went off and the PA system came to life. The entire team knew a match was about to begin.

"Dagnabit, just when I thought I have the time to fix the teleporter!" Engineer spat angrily.

"We can do this later but now we have some BLU spines to break and it's about damn time too!" Soldier growled and reached for his Liberty Launcher.

A match was a match and they were paid to fight and die; there was no way they could refuse. Without Sniper and Heavy though, the team took quite a beating from BLU team despite their efforts to hold back the advancing BLUs.

"Oh boy, this is gonna be a long day," Engineer muttered as he set up a sentry gun at control point B.

* * *

><p>Sniper had a really bad body ache when he woke up the next day. Pinkie Pie had offered him to sleep in her bed yesterday night but he refused and now he had paid the price for sleeping on the floor without a proper mattress and pillow. Still, this was NOTHING compared to getting shot, burned, stabbed and bombed. Sleeping on the floor was bad enough but he just had to offer to sleep in the basement. It was a better choice though since he would rather keep himself away from plain sight and from prying eyes.<p>

He had hung his wet clothes near the coal furnace and was glad that it was now dry though a bit wrinkled. Sniper's weapons were kept inside an empty cupboard along with the ammunition for his weapons. As Sniper was about to put on his pants, Pinkie Pie came down into the basement with a basket of flowers. Her footsteps were so soft that Sniper did not hear her descend the steps.

"Hey, Mr. Sniper, are you ready to partteehhh?" she whooped excitedly after putting down the basket of flowers.

"Oi, can't I have some privacy here? Just because you ponies don't wear clothes doesn't mean it applies to humans!" Sniper exclaimed while quickly pulling and zipping up his pants.

"You're a funny guy," Pinkie said with a playful giggle. "C'mon, I'm preparing a welcoming party and I've invited half the town to the Sugarcube Corner to welcome you. I'm almost done with the cupcakes."

"Party?" Sniper muttered and stopped what he was doing. "Pinkie, the last thing I want now is a party and unwanted attention."

"But why? Everypony loves a party. I know you like being alone and all but you should really mix around more often," Pinkie Pie remarked with a smile.

"Perhaps so but I'm a lone wolf because my field of work requires me to be so and it's my personality. You know what I do for a living, my profession and my so-called friends," Sniper said in a grim manner and buttoned up his shirt before putting on his black vest.

"You really should stop thinking about work, you know. It's time to relax and party and have some fun! I'm sure the others would love to make friends with you," Pinkie Pie added.

"I'm a professional, and professionals…have standards," Sniper said in a cool monotonous voice as he put on his shades. "Partying is for people like the Demoman and the Scout."

He went to the cupboard and retrieved all his weapons and ammunition before putting on his hat and gave it a pat so that it was secured to his head. All he needed now was a bow so he could fashion a weapon similar to his Huntsman and live in the forest where he was far away from the attention of the ponies. Sniper went upstairs with Pinkie following behind him but when he opened the basement door, he saw a crowd of different-colored ponies looking at him. They stared at Sniper while Sniper stared back with a dumbfounded expression.

"You told me you were still preparing for the party," Sniper whispered to Pinkie Pie.

"I did and this isn't even half the town! They're just the preparation team!" Pinkie said aloud with a grin on her face. "Hey, everypony, I'd like you to meet a new visitor of Ponyville! This is Mr. Sniper!" she introduced the Australian to the crowd.

For a second, Sniper thought they were going to run and scream in panic because it was obvious none of them saw a human before and the silence was deafening. Sniper had his hand hovered over the hilt of his kukri just in case any of the ponies tried to jump at him but all of them just stared at him.

"By Celestia, a real human," a light blue pony said.

"I thought they were just creatures from old mare's tales," another pony added.

"Wait…doesn't that mean that…they're working for Discord?"

"No, they're agents of Nightmare Moon!"

Something told Sniper that this welcoming party would not be so welcoming at all and he glanced over at Pinkie Pie. She was still smiling as if the whispers of rumors and conspiracy were not there at all. Sniper looked back at the crowd again and was careful not to make any sudden moves. The ponies were on edge and one sudden move would interpret into mass panic as they would think he was about to attack them. Sniper made a mental note to find out the reason why humans were depicted as such but for now, he had to do something to convince the crowd he meant no harm. The last thing he wanted was a run-in with the local security forces. Trying to be as calm as possible and as diplomatic as possible, he eased his stance (which was rather hard to do in front of an agitated crowd) and took a step back.

"Okay, um…look, I'm new here…and um…I mean no harm. I'm just lost, you see, and um…I'm just making a pit stop here in your town. So if you don't mind um…I'll be on my way," Sniper said quickly and made a dash for the back door.

"The back door is locked," Pinkie Pie said flatly and that stopped Sniper in his tracks.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you," Sniper remarked.

"Nokie dokie, it's always locked by Mr. Cake unless we need to take out the trash," Pinkie Pie corrected. "Don't worry, we get all kinds of strange visitors in Ponyville before and I'm sure humans are no different."

Sniper would like to believe that but it seems like the others were still suspicious of Sniper and whenever he approached them, they took a step back and tried to avoid him. It was annoying and Sniper had the urge to mow them down with his submachine gun.

"This is gonna be a long day," Sniper muttered under his breath.

* * *

><p>Things were slightly different at Heavy's side though. Fluttershy was rather receptive of the fat Russian and found his simple yet kind attitude to be something quite welcoming despite his size and the ominous-looking thing he called "Sasha" that he always carried around like an inseparable lover. Heavy had stayed in her cottage for the night he had been a rather gracious guest. He offered to help around the house though Heavy was not dexterous and broke many items but Fluttershy did not really mind.<p>

The animals were afraid of him at first but Heavy was quick to make friends with them. Now, instead of fleeing from him, they went to Heavy and he constantly found himself being mobbed by little critters, with the exception of Angel of course.

"Oh my, Heavy, I never knew you had nature's touch in you," Fluttershy commented.

"Heavy loves small animals. Little animals are like friends to me, just like Fluttershy is friend to me," Heavy said while allowing a bird to perch on his thick finger.

"Despite how you described your job back at your place and how brutal it was," Fluttershy shuddered at the thought of killing others for a living, "I find it hard to believe that…you're a killer."

Heavy sighed and gave a short and bitter chuckle. "There are many things in my world Fluttershy don't want to know. Heavy is still confused right now how little pony talk…but Heavy like it here."

"You can stay here as long as you want, Heavy, and I will take good care of you," Fluttershy said and smiled at Heavy.

The night before, Heavy and Fluttershy had a little chat about where Heavy came from and what he did for a living. The yellow pegasus was sympathetic and felt sorry for Heavy because his job was simply senseless and brutal. Even though Heavy repeatedly said that he enjoyed killing for the fun of it, Fluttershy could sense that Heavy was also yearning for some peaceful moments. Still, Fluttershy wondered if there was ever a place called Russia. She had seen the map of the Known World several times but there was never a country that goes by that name. Perhaps he came from outside of the Known World, perhaps from some continent that was never explored by ponykind. It was an interesting thought but Fluttershy made up her mind to ask Twilight about it.

Just then there was a knock on the cottage door and Fluttershy went to open it. Heavy saw another pegasus with rainbow-colored mane and it talked as well. It was still unbelievable but Heavy let the thought slip past his mind. At first, the blue pegasus did not notice Heavy seated on the couch but after a small talk with Fluttershy, the blue pegasus peered into the cottage. She gasped and pointed a hoof at Heavy.

"Ohmigosh, Fluttershy, you have a gorilla in your cottage!" the blue pegasus said loudly.

"Hey, who is little pony calling gorilla?" Heavy remarked indignantly.

"Oh no, Rainbow Dash, that's not a gorilla. I want you to meet a new friend of mine. He's a human and his name is Heavy," Fluttershy said softly and introduced Heavy to the blue pegasus named Rainbow Dash.

"Human? What in the hay is a human?" Dash asked.

"Um…I don't know," Fluttershy said.

Fluttershy invited Rainbow Dash into her cottage and the blue pegasus sat on a sofa next to the sofa that Heavy sat on. She stared at him intently and the Russian stared back at Rainbow Dash. It was a staring game and none of them said anything. Finally, after a minute or so, Rainbow Dash flew towards Heavy and looked him in the face with her nose only inches away from Heavy's.

"You're a funny-looking thing, you know," Rainbow Dash commented.

"And you remind me of someone I don't like," Heavy said flatly while comparing the BLU Scout to Rainbow Dash in his mind.

"Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do, roll over me?" Rainbow Dash said with a mocking smile.

After she said that, she felt Heavy's large hand grab her wings. She could not fly and Heavy had the strength to lift her up with on hand. He lifted her so her face was facing his and he returned and equally mocking grin.

"Little blue pony is baby. I love crushing babies," Heavy remarked.

"Hey, let go of me! I warn you, I have a black belt in karate!" Rainbow Dash said angrily as she punched at Heavy's fat stomach, which did no harm to him at all.

"You are weak, not big surprise," Heavy mocked at Rainbow Dash's futile hoof punches.

"Please, stop fighting," Fluttershy pleaded softly. "Can't we all just get along?"

As much as Heavy disliked Dash's attitude, he respected Fluttershy so he listened to her and put Rainbow Dash down on the floor. She flapped her wings two times to make sure that nothing was broken before folding it back. It was fine but holding a pegasus by the wings can be quite painful for a pegasus as their wings had to support the body's full weight, which was not what it was designed to do. When the pain had subsided, Rainbow Dash flew in the air again.

"Heavy, I'd like you to meet Rainbow Dash. She's my childhood friend," Fluttershy introduced Heavy to the blue pegasus.

"That's right, Mr. Heavy, and if anything happens to Fluttershy, you answer to me, got that?" Rainbow Dash asked gruffly while poking Heavy in the chest.

Heavy just scowled at Rainbow Dash and smiled with his arms crossed. Why should he be afraid of some blue pegasus weakling? Besides, there was no way Heavy would hurt Fluttershy. She was his first friend that truly cared about his well-being and he was not going to let that friendship go to waste. Even the Medic, while also a close friend of Heavy, was never as kind as Fluttershy. Given the chance, he would rather strangle the annoying Rainbow Dash but since she was Fluttershy's friend, he did not want to hurt Fluttershy's feelings by hurting Rainbow Dash.

"You are lucky that Fluttershy is your friend. I will kill you, and kill you, and kill you if Fluttershy was not your friend," Heavy growled.

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy and whispered into her ear. "Fluttershy, how is that you're making friends with such a violent gorilla?"

"He's not always like that. Heavy is actually a nice guy, if you get on his good side that is," Fluttershy replied.

"Good side? There's no way somepony…human thingy like him could have a good side," Rainbow Dash whispered through her teeth.

"Now, now, Rainbow Dash, I know you two have your differences," Fluttershy smiled and flew beside Rainbow Dash before pushing her towards Heavy until Rainbow Dash was side-by-side with Heavy, "but we're all friends whether we're pony or human."

Heavy and Rainbow Dash looked at each other again but after some coaxing from Fluttershy, the two of them managed a weak smile and nodded their heads.

"Yeah, maybe Fluttershy's right. We should be friends…even if you're a big fat gorilla," Rainbow Dash joked.

"And you are still baby pony," Heavy shot back with a smile.

"Maybe you're not so bad, big guy. I know, how 'bout we show you around Ponyville? I'm sure the other ponies would want to meet you," Rainbow Dash offered.

"Da, that would be great!" Heavy exclaimed. "This gonna be the best day!"

* * *

><p>"You failed!" the announcer said aloud over the PA system when RED team finally lost after a long match with BLU team.<p>

Medic hated losing as much as his other team mates (test subjects) hated it and he refused to allow the victorious BLU to humiliate him. He had his Ubersaw in hand and waited near RED team's spawn point for a victim to come by. As luck would have it, an unsuspecting BLU Demoman came in searching for RED losers. Medic grinned evilly and readied his saw.

"I'm going to saw through your bones!" he said and lunged his Ubersaw at the Demoman and killed him on the spot. "Another successful procedure," he added with a satisfied smirk.

At that moment, he was joined by a beaten up Soldier and Engineer followed by Scout, who was missing a few teeth and had a black eye. Engineer's hard hat had a crack while the Soldier had his right arm blasted off.

"This sucks! We got beaten like nobody's business and BLU just ran through us!" Scout remarked in exasperation.

"If it weren't for you and that toy of yours, we could've done better!" Soldier said as he pointed at Scout's Sandman.

"Oh, so says Major Malfunction," Scout snapped. "I thought you said you could do what Heavy do."

"I did and we lost only because you all are idiots and you don't know how to fight like a man!" Soldier shot back.

"Ye outta stop blaming others when you're equally incompetent," Engineer declared.

"Is that so, professor?" Soldier growled and looked at Engineer, "why don't you stop hiding behind your little toys and fight like a man?"

"Nope, I'm an engineer and I fix, build and maintain. If combat is your concern," Engineer took out his Frontier Justice and pumped his weapon in a menacing manner, "I suggest ye think twice before making me pump lead into that thick head of yours, partner," he added the last word slowly and hit Soldier in the chest with the end of his shotgun.

The rest of the team joined up several minutes later, some of them fresh out of the respawn machine. Luckily, it was only a one-round match so they had the rest of the day to themselves. Engineer went to work as soon as they were allowed to move about freely. Scout had offered to retrieve spare parts on the battlefield so Engineer could use them to repair the machine.

"That's all I could find," Scout said when he returned with a sack of metal from destroyed buildings and weapons left behind. "It seems like BLU took the rest." He dropped the sack next to Engineer and sat down on a chair to catch his breath.

Engineer looked into the sack and silently counted the metals that were in it. After a while, he shook his head slowly and sighed.

"Nope, that ain't enough, boy. We gotta need more than that," Engineer said.

"Um…" Scout looked at his scattergun and pointed at it.

"Yo, overalls, how 'bout my gun? You can have it," said the Bostonian.

"But how're you gonna fight? I don't think that bat yours is gonna help a lot," Engineer pointed out.

"Maybe not but I got Force-a-Nature as backup. Besides, we seem to be getting new guns when we lose our old ones so I wouldn't worry if I were you," Scout said.

Engineer nodded and took Scout's scattergun and added it to the pile of metals. Even with Scout's "donation" it was still not enough and Engineer calculated that he needed another two thousand more metals before he could fully rebuild the teleporter. That could be easily done as the supply cabinet and ammo drops could supply him with the parts he needed (though it was limited and Engineer noted that the supply cabinet had only one thousand metals left) but the only problem now was to retrieve the coordinates.

"Hey, professor," the Scout called out, "assuming you got the teleporter fixed and all that, what're we gonna do next?"

"Well…I haven't thought about it," Engineer admitted. "I suppose I'll have to go get them because someone has to build another teleporter there so we can get back. Don't forget, this teleporter has no receiving end so another teleporter is required at the other side if we are to get back."

"Sign me up if you need help. I'm dying to leave this place," Scout said with a grin.

"We'll see about that, boy…we'll see about that," Engineer muttered and went on with fixing the teleporter.


	4. Chapter 3

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

**Chapter 3: Mr. Happy Smiles and Mr. Bear**

* * *

><p><strong>Notes from the Medic:<strong>_ Ahem, I have seen ze replies and ze author vishes to express his thanks to you readers for supporting zis rather terribly written story. He also wanted to apologize for ze delays due to…an unprecedented amount of assignments but I have his assurance zat this fic vill go into full swing now zat he is on semester break. _

* * *

><p>"Psst, hey, over here," Scout whispered to Demoman.<p>

The Scottish demolitions expert wheeled around and saw a rather beaten up Scout hiding behind a large boulder. His hat was missing and several of his teeth had been knocked out. His left eye was so swollen that it could not open.

"What're ye doin' there laddie? That's no safe place to hide," Demoman said.

"I know it ain't, Cyclops, but I need a breather. There's a freaking Sniper somewhere around here and he just took out Soldier," Scout remarked and pointed at Soldier's corpse behind Demoman.

Demoman nodded and hid behind the boulder with Scout. He needed a breather too and he needed more ammunition. He had only two pipe bombs left for his grenade launcher and had no more ammo for his Scottish Resistance.

"This is the fourth time we're forced to tango with BLU team and we're being steamrolled," Scout said and peeked out from his hiding place to try and spot the BLU Sniper.

A shot rang out from the distance followed by pieces of rock flying into Scout's face as the bullet struck the surface of the boulder. Scout instinctively hid back behind the boulder and wiped his face.

"I still dunno where he is but we'll make a run for home base," Scout said to his companion.

"I'm right behind ye, laddie."

Scout silently counted to three and ran from his temporary hiding place followed by Demoman. Both were thankful that their legs were still fine but having one functioning eye meant that they lacked depth perception. It was as if karma had smacked Scout in the face for saying that Demoman lacked perception. The BLU Sniper was relentless but his shots were clean misses and the two made it back to the spawn point quickly and safely. The whole team was already gathered there, all worn out and frustrated. Engineer was the first one to spot Demoman and Scout when they came in.

"The match's over some time ago. This is the fourth loss in a row and I'm mighty sure it ain't the last," Engineer muttered.

"No kidding, professor. Maybe we do need a full team to beat the crap out of BLU after all," Soldier commented.

"And that is why I need your cooperation. The machine I'm gonna build needs more metal and our current supply cabinet isn't enough to supply me with what I need to finish repairing the mass teleporter," said the Engineer as he looked at Soldier.

"Or maybe we could swap classes for a while and take over Sniper and Heavy's place temporarily," Spy suggested just as Engineer finished his sentence. "Maybe that could help us win."

Soldier shook his head and jabbed a finger on Spy's chest. "Listen here, Frenchie, as much as I agree those two are important, I'm not gonna become a camper for the sake of winning. That's worse than losing a match!"

"Well, if you're not up to it, you unsophisticated dog, there're others," Spy said coolly and retrieved a cigarette from his pocket.

Spy looked at his other companions with hopes that they would be suitable for Sniper and Heavy's role but he soon realized none of them had the necessary skills. Scout was too impatient and weak to become a Sniper or Heavy. Demoman could possibly a Heavy (if he could lift any of Heavy's primary weapons) but his…handicap and drunkenness made him a terrible Sniper. Soldier definitely loathed Sniper for being a camper (an act considered as cowardly by the American) but he might be suitable for taking Heavy's role, assuming he had the muscles to lift up a minigun in the first place.

Next, Spy looked at Pyro. Little was known about the person in the fire retardant suit and gas mask so Spy dared not make conclusions about him (or her) yet. He then turned his attention to Engineer. The Texan had been useful to the team as a supporter but it did not occur to Spy that Engineer had the muscles to lift a minigun nor the skill of a sniper to deliver a killing shot. Then there was Medic and under the Hippocratic Oath, he was not supposed to hurt anyone. Of course, having his license revoked yet retaining great medical skills, Medic was dangerous as he was helpful. Given the chance, Medic would love to kill his opponents but there was no way he had the muscles or skill of Heavy and Sniper respectively.

Spy then assessed himself. He was sure that he could not lift Heavy's weapon but what about Sniper's rifle? Spy certainly had the patience as he developed it over the years by waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab his enemies in the back but he had no clue on how to operate a sharpshooter's weapon, plus he knew about Sniper's bad habit of not washing his hands after making his jarate. Touching such unsanitized weapons was beyond Spy. He was too civilized for that kind of thing.

"Well, we're doomed," Spy said simply after he finished assessing his team. "None of us here are suited as Sniper and Heavy replacements."

"What makes you think so, shape shifter? I can be good a Sniper as I am a Heavy! Watch!" Scout exclaimed indignantly.

He ran off to the weapons locker and looked for Natasha, Heavy's other primary weapon. Scout grunted and huffed as he tried to heft the heavy weapon but only to have it fall on his toes with a sickening thud. Scout cried out in pain and quickly removed Natasha from his aching toes.

"Don't be a fool, you know you can't lift a weapon like that and I'm VERY sure you don't have the patience to wait for the perfect opportunity to strike, as required by a professional sniper," Spy remarked.

"Oh yeah, so who'd you think is suitable?" Scout shot back while fanning his toes.

"None," Spy said flatly and flicked his spent cigarette into a bin. "And that is why we need to return Sniper and Heavy here as soon as possible. Gentlemen, give Engineer your weapons and ammo. That should give him extra metals to work with."

There were fierce objections from his teammates and Spy had already anticipated that. None of them were willing to part with their weapons because it made them feel vulnerable. Spy had that feeling too but he knew that lost weapons would always be replaced, as if there were unlimited supplies coming from outside. If that was the case, they may as well sacrifice what they have now and get them back later. Reluctantly, Spy dropped whatever he had in his inventory and handed it to Engineer. The latter seemed surprised but Spy just looked back at Engineer.

"So, anyone else here wants to make a sacrifice?" Spy asked the rest of his team.

They looked at each other, thinking that Spy was crazy but the next one to hand in all weapons and equipments was Soldier. He seemed reluctant to part with his rocket launcher but after some thoughts and the notion of continuous failures, he dropped his launcher onto the floor and slid it across to Engineer.

"This may be the craziest idea but if this is what takes to earn back our victories, hell, I'll do it," Soldier said gruffly.

The rest followed and all of them handed everything they had to Engineer. The Texan also included into the pile his own weapons and equipments but he was still short of one hundred metals. Plus, they needed a safe place to store the weapons and equipments lest BLU team uncovers them and use them. It was dusk and Engineer, although tired and disappointed, decided to get to work anyway. The sooner he could get the teleporter fixed, the faster he could get Sniper and Heavy. They were needed to win the battles against BLU and they needed those victories if they were to stay as a team.

* * *

><p>Sniper had nowhere to run. The ponies that Pinkie Pie "invited" over to help prepare for the party had him surrounded but they were more afraid of him than he was of them. It should be that way because Sniper was not about to be cowed by pastel-colored show ponies, not when he was the one with the weapons but he had no clue of local security forces. If they showed up in force, Sniper could very well be in trouble and that was one thing he wanted to avoid, at least for now. He heard them mention he was some agent of Discord or Nightmare Moon or something like that. It was possible that they have seen other humans but Sniper decided against asking a crowd of agitated ponies about humans seeing that they seemed afraid of them.<p>

"You set me up to this, Pinkie. Think of something to calm them down," Sniper hissed at Pinkie.

"You're right and I know just what they all need," Pinkie Pie said with sudden seriousness but it did not last long. "A PARTY!" she exclaimed and threw confetti everywhere.

Sniper sighed softly and smacked his face with his right palm. Was partying her answer to all problems? Sniper did not know but right now, it seemed like it but it was not working. His very presence still struck fear into the ponies but none of them ran out to inform the guards and that was good news for Sniper but there was no way that advantage could last for long.

"This isn't working," Sniper muttered.

"Hmm, do you think it needs more confetti and balloons?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"You know what I really think? I think you need to stop thinking about partying and start thinking about calming them down and getting me out of trouble before some pony runs out to get the guards," Sniper muttered.

"Hmm…I know what we can do! Let's play an icebreaker game! That way, we can get to know each other. I'll start first," said Pinkie Pie as she leapt onto the counter and cleared her throat as if she was about to make an announcement. "Hello, everypony! Do you know who this is?" Pinkie asked loudly while gesturing at Sniper.

"He's a human! He'll grind our bones to make his bread!" a pony answered hysterically.

It sounded rather funny because it sounded like what the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk would say. Maybe there were some things that they have in common but Sniper wasn't going to find out about that, not now anyway. As much as he despised the Spy class, he had to admit that turning invisible would come in handy, especially in a situation like this. If only he had Spy's invisibility watch.

"No, silly," Pinkie replied with a chortle. "His name is Sniper and he's a nice human, isn't that right?"

"Um, yeah, of course! I'm the nicest guy that ever lived…or something," Sniper was quick to lie but it was the only way he could calm the ponies down. "In fact, my friends call me um…Mr. Happy Smiles!" said he and gave the ponies a silly faked grin.

The ponies were taken aback by his sudden niceness. A few minutes ago, he looked like as if he was out for somepony's head but now, he was smiling…and grinning. They could not see his eyes because they were hidden his shades but if they did, they would see two scowls. Sniper hated playing nice but now was not the time to become aggressive. The ponies had him outnumbered and he was still unsure what they were capable of. Who knows, one of them may turn out to be an aggressive one and attack him, or they could be like Pinkie Pie, who, for some reason, was able to defy the laws of physics.

Sniper looked at Pinkie Pie and saw her looking at him while leaning forward towards him at angle that would normally make even a human fall. How she did that was beyond Sniper but if other ponies could break the laws of physics, it could spell trouble for the Australian. Better to be safe than sorry, Sniper thought. While his smile was not too convincing, it did help ease the tension, somewhat.

"So…you're Mr. Happy Smiles?" asked a beige-colored pony.

"Of course, I'm so happy that I can barely breathe," Sniper said quickly and continued grinning.

"See, he's perfectly harmless and he's smiling too!" Pinkie Pie said happily and grinned along.

"_That's helping but I still need to ease the tension further. I know, maybe I'll play a game with them and at the same time, I should think of a way to escape," _Sniper thought.

* * *

><p>While Sniper played games with what he called a group of pastel-colored show ponies, Heavy was having a great time with his newfound friends Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy had invited Heavy to help look after her livestock and while Heavy had hands the size of a bear, he handled them like a gentle giant. Needless to say, even Rainbow Dash was impressed. They had, earlier, wanted to show Heavy around Ponyville but there were chores to do and Heavy offered to help Fluttershy take care of the animals.<p>

"Hey, you're not too bad after all, big guy. What's your real name anyway?" Rainbow Dash asked while she watched him feed some chicks.

"My…real name? Is Heavy Weapons Guy not my name?" Heavy asked as he pointed at himself.

"That sounds…a lot more like a title than a proper name," said Rainbow Dash. When she noticed Heavy still looked clueless, her eyebrows creased. "You have a name, don't you?"

"I…I don't know," Heavy admitted.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looked at each other with a feeling of pity for Heavy. How is it possible for him to live without a true identity for himself? If he could not remember even his own name, could he possibly remember his own family – if he had one – or even his past? Heavy did not give his identity much thought though. After signing a contract with the company that drafted him into these gladiatorial battles for the sake of some people's sick amusement, Heavy seemed to have completely forgotten about who he really was before he joined RED. All he could remember now was his identity as the Heavy Weapons Guy and he was part of RED team along with eight other classes with roles of their own. Not only that, they were always pitted against BLU team, RED's rival company that consists of fighters that looked exactly like them except with slightly different personalities.

Heavy racked his brains in an attempt to search for an answer but came up empty.

"Heavy is Russian…but who is Heavy's family?" Heavy wondered aloud. "What is my name? Do you know my name?" he asked Fluttershy.

"Well…I um…if you don't have a name, we can give you one. If you're okay with it that is," Flutterhsy replied and smiled at Heavy.

"Da, very well!" Heavy said happily and sat down on the grassy ground while some of the chickens ran in circles around him.

Rainbow Dash sized up Heavy and looked at him from his bald head to his rather small legs compared to the rest of his body. The most noticeable thing about Heavy was his bald head and fat body, which gave Rainbow Dash an idea for a name for Heavy.

"I've got a good name," said the rainbow-maned pegasus. "I'm gonna call you Q-Ball!"

"Nyet, not good name!" Heavy objected while shaking his head.

"Um, how 'bout Fathead?"

"No!"

"Baldie?"

"Nyet!"

"Okay, so what name is it that you like?" Rainbow Dash asked back impatiently.

"A good name, a name Heavy likes," Heavy answered flatly.

"Um…I have a suggestion," Fluttershy said softly. Heavy turned to look at the yellow pegasus as she sat down beside him. "How about I call you Mr. Bear? You're big and you really do remind me of that bear I used to give a massage."

Heavy tapped his chin thoughtfully. It did not sound like a name but it could be related to his home country. He hunted bears with his bare hands before and it was one of the memories that has not been wiped from his memory. Plus, his teammates usually referred to him as the RED Bear and for a good reason too. His stature and strength was that of a bear and instead of fighting with melee weapons like the rest of his teammates, Heavy could deliver killing blows with his fists, much like a bear smacking its opponent silly. Heavy liked the simple name Fluttershy suggested and a smile of approval appeared on his face.

"That is good name. Heavy likes it," Heavy replied with a nod.

"Mr. Bear? Really?" Rainbow Dash scoffed. "Well, I suppose it does suit your size…and attitude. Better than calling you Heavy Weapons Guy anyway."

"Alright, Mr. Bear, why don't you help herd the chickens back into the coop? It's time for lunch and I know just the thing that will suit your appetite," Fluttershy said and flew back into her cottage while Heavy and Rainbow Dash were left in the yard.

"Fluttershy is best pony. Heavy approves," Heavy said.

"Ugh, you said that like…the hundredth time. I know Fluttershy's the best and all but I have my eye on you, see. If anything happens to her, I'm gonna have a word with you," Rainbow Dash said in a menacing manner while poking Heavy in the chest with a hoof.

However, Heavy remained unafraid of Rainbow Dash, especially when she was so small and tiny (to him) like the BLU Scout's scrawny neck. Heavy could just reach out and strangle Rainbow Dash but even when Dash had a rather brash personality, Heavy could not get himself to hurt her. She had been nice to him too.

"_It is good to be human," _Heavy thought and smirked mentally. _"I got my fists and little baby pony has none. But rainbow pony is Fluttershy's friend. Heavy must not hurt Fluttershy's feelings by hurting rainbow pony."_

Heavy had to admit that Rainbow Dash wasn't too bad of a pony even though it really, really reminded him of Scout. Nevertheless, he would try to make friends with her and perhaps get used to his new identity as Mr. Bear.

* * *

><p>"What's the progress, professor?" Soldier asked while Engineer's fingers worked quickly on the keyboard in an attempt to retrieve the coordinates from the damaged teleporter.<p>

"Funny that you should ask, partner. I thought mindless numbskulls like you wouldn't bother," Engineer replied. "Progress is slow…but I'm making progress nonetheless," Engineer added before Soldier could reprimand Engineer for calling him a numbskull.

"This better be quick. The longer we wait, the more we'll be steamrolled by BLU team. Never in my life have I been beaten FOUR times in a row!" Soldier said gruffly and held up four fingers to emphasize his point.

"Hell, ye're not the only one, laddie," Demoman interrupted as he entered Engineer's hideout with a bottle of scrumpy in his hand but he wasn't drinking out of it as usual. "I've a feelin' that the Announcer is plottin' on us."

"Yeah…maybe she's with the Illuminati," Soldier said as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

While Demoman was a usual drunkard, he was not as stupid as he seems. He never believed in conspiracy theories, especially those involving the Illuminati. Demoman loved conspiracy theories but to apply them to reality without solid facts was way beyond silly.

"Illuminati eh," Demoman said with a bitter chuckle. "The next thing ye know, ye'd say the Illuminati consist of a group of talkin' ponies," he joked and slammed the bottle onto a table. "Listen laddie, there's no such thing as the Illuminati."

"Oh yes there is, you one-eyed crossdresser! They're watching…they're everywhere and BLU team might even be working with them. I say we round up every one of them and beat the crap out of them!" Soldier said and slammed a fist into his palm for emphasis.

"That's fine all but as long as we're not cooperating, there ain't gonna be any victories for us. We've gotta make do with what we've got," Engineer remarked casually.

Just when Engineer thought his day could not get any worse, the Announcer announced the commencement of a new match. Engineer was clearly irritated but he restrained himself from trying to throw his wrench on the floor. Instead, he grabbed his hardhat and put it on.

"Looks like we've got a job to do, boys. This time though, I say we plan our attack first. Maybe we can win just this once," Engineer said and reloaded Frontier Justice.

"For once, professor, I agree," Soldier said.

* * *

><p><em>End Note: Yeah, it ain't the best chapter and sorry for the long delay, folks. I've been rather busy with assignments. Also, what do you think if I included Gmod Monsters in later chapters? Plot will change in later chapters when RED team is transported to Equestria.<br>_


	5. Chapter 4

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

**Chapter 4: A Plot Revealed **

_**Note from the Medic**__: Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly! _

Sniper made a sigh of relief when he noticed that his stupid yet effective method of smiling and acting good calmed the ponies down. They were actually relaxing for once and with Pinkie's persuasion that Sniper was a good human and not like the ones mentioned in some of the old mare's tales, Sniper could ease his stance as the ponies became friendlier towards him but his right hand subconsciously touched the hilt of his kukri. Sniper was still in unfamiliar territory and it pays to be careful lest something bad happens to him.

He surveyed his surroundings again. The crowd seemed harmless enough…at least for now and it would be wise not to stir up any unrest by making sudden movements or drawing any of his weapons. Sniper played along and continued his façade and while calling himself Mr. Happy Smiles seemed rather silly, Sniper decided to stick with it now that the ponies called him Mr. Happy Smiles instead of Sniper which, truthfully, sounded like some monster, at least to the ponies. Luckily his teammates were not here to see him in his predicament. He would never hear the end of their mocking and teasing, especially from people like Scout.

"You really gotta relax those stiff shoulders, Sniper, I mean Mr. Happy Smiles," Pinkie Pie said while giving him a shoulder massage.

"How's it that it feels like you have fingers but in reality, you have none at all?" Sniper asked.

"What do you mean?" Pinkie Pie asked back with genuine curiosity.

"Never mind, I was just thinking aloud," Sniper muttered and shrugged Pinkie Pie aside.

The ponies were busy going on with the preparation activities but none of them noticed Sniper edging towards the open door. They were calm now and this was his chance to finally make a run for it. No more crazy ponies and no more pastel-colored nightmares. He would make a break for the forest, live there until his teammates could recover him. Living off the land was easy for Sniper and he'd rather wrestle with a bear than face with unpredictable ponies.

"Where're you going, Mr. Happy Smiles?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Sniper stopped in his tracks. He was thankful that Pinkie Pie helped diffuse some of the tension but he was not thankful for the fact that she saw him trying to leave. Sniper wanted to be by himself, live by himself and follow his own rules; not the rules of ponies. Pinkie or not, he just wanted out.

"I'm going…fishing…by the river," Sniper lied and walked towards the exit quickly.

"But there're no rivers in Ponyville; just small streams," Pinkie explained.

"I'm going to the uh…forest, whatever that forest's name is called," Sniper said while trying his best to hide the fact that he was lying. He had no fishing gear to begin with.

Thankfully though, Pinkie Pie seemed to accept his reason. "Okie dokie lokie, just don't be late for the party!" she said cheerfully and went back to decorating the Sugarcube Corner while Sniper slipped out of the establishment.

"Heh heh heh, that was easy," Sniper muttered with a dark chuckle.

Without looking back, Sniper slipped away into the forest without any of the townsfolk noticing him. He could not believe his luck and even though he may not have the luxury of a roof over his head, that could easily be taken care of with a little survival skill and right knowhow. The first thing he needed now was some meat to eat. Pony diet did not agree with his stomach at walking towards the river he fell into yesterday, Sniper heard conversations going on behind some bushes. He quickly hid himself inside one and peeked out to see who was talking.

Yonder by some trees, in front of a strange-looking Stonehenge-like structure were several white pegasus in golden armor. Sniper counted around ten of them and they looked like guards from a bygone era. While Sniper had the firepower, they still had him outnumbered and without proper intelligence on his enemies, it was best to avoid a fight.

"They've been here," one of the guards, presumably the captain of the group, said. "We've been hot on their tails yet they've eluded our capture every time."

"No way to know for sure," the other guard replied. "This altar looked like it hasn't been used for a long time."

"That doesn't explain the ashes on the ground. They look quite fresh to me," the captain said as he made circles in the ground with his hoof. "If Princess Celestia is right about the resurrection of the Nightmare cult, it's gonna give the defense ministry a lot of problems."

"You mean the mountain of paperwork they're always buried under? I'm surprised none of them are dead or at least suffocating under all that paper," the other guard joked.

"They'll be worrying more than just their paperwork, Aquilinus," the captain said flatly and went back to inspecting the other parts of the altar.

Sniper's curiosity was piqued. Even though it may not seem like it was his business to care about other people's affairs, he wanted to know what this Nightmare cult was. He remembered one of the ponies mentioning about some Nightmare Moon character. Perhaps this cult was dedicated to whatever Nightmare Moon was.

"Cult…cult…I wonder if those shadowy pony figures I saw in the forest yesterday were the cultists," Sniper muttered while rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

He did not want to stick around to find out though. Sniper wanted to avoid ponies, regardless of whether they were just an average Pony Joe or a guard. His first task now was to get away as far as possible and wait for help from his teammates. Sniper had forgotten that Heavy was also teleported along with him so he made no attempts to seek Heavy out and team up with him. Besides, he never liked that Russian anyway.

Sniper back away slowly but just as he was about to turn around and walk away, he stepped on several fallen twigs. The forest was unusually quiet and the sounds of snapping twigs sounded as clear as gunfire.

"Who goes there?" the guard named Aquilinus asked aloud and headed towards the source of the noise.

For a moment, Sniper felt his heart raced but he was quick to calm down. He reached for his submachine gun and stayed still in the bush. With the gun's safety off, he was prepared to shoot in case the guard caught him. However, being in a rather obvious hiding place, the guard never found him. Someone else did though.

"What are you doing here?" a feminine voice called out sternly from behind him.

The Australian nearly leapt out of his skin. He turned around quickly to look behind him and saw a winged unicorn with a multi-colored mane glaring at him. She looked taller than most of the ponies he met and judging by the crown she wore, this white alicorn has to be one of the royalty. Sniper took aim at the alicorn's head but just before he could pull the trigger, Sniper felt his gun being yanked out of his hand by some unseen force. Reacting quickly, Sniper rolled away to create more distance between him and the alicorn. She was just as tall as him but Sniper was determined to be beaten by a pony. He reached for his rifle and like before, his gun was yanked away by some unknown force. It has to be the alicorn doing it magically because his submachine gun levitated next to the alicorn and had a magical aura about it.

She just snatched away two weapons from him without dropping either one of them. Sniper decided against using his kukri against her because he knew she would just snatch it away from his grip like what she did with his other two weapons.

"A human? How is this possible?" the alicorn asked with astonishment.

"You're not the first one to ask that question, sheila," Sniper remarked. "But I'll be frank with you, I don't want any trouble."

"Humans are trouble in my book and as long as there're humans here in Equestria, I'll put a stop to them," the alicorn said.

Just then, two pegasus guards flew out of nowhere and tackled Sniper to the ground. They were strong with their punches and every punch Sniper threw at them, he received two more to his face until his shades shattered and his face bloodied. In a last ditch attempt to fight them off, Sniper deftly reached for his melee weapon and slashed one of the guards across the chest. The guard cried out in pain as the blade cut through the surprisingly thin chest armor and sliced bare skin and lacerated the guard's chest. Blood spurted onto the ground and Sniper's face.

As if excited by the fact that they could be hurt despite the stoic and tough look the guards wore, Sniper decided to attack the other guard. The guard was taken by surprise when Sniper grabbed his front legs and pulled, dropping the pegasus to the ground. The Australian was about to deliver a stab to the guard's face when a hard object smacked him in the back of his head. It was hard enough to make black stars explode in his vision before falling to the ground unconscious.

"Are you alright, Aquilinus?" the alicorn asked the guard while dropping the sniper rifle which she used to club Sniper in the head.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks to you, Your Highness," Aquilinus grunted as he picked himself up from the ground. "We have to get Breno to the infirmary!" he exclaimed when he saw his injured colleague.

"I'll have the medics take care of him. For now, I want you to tie up that human and bring him back to Caterlot for questioning. I have a feeling he's connected to the Nightmare cult," the alicorn said calmly before she dropped the submachine gun and left the area to check on the stone alter.

Aquilinus stared at the unconscious Sniper and snorted. "I thought Princess Celestia ran the lot of you out from Equestria one thousand five hundred years ago. I'm surprised to see your kind still lingering here," he added softly and went to tend to his comrade.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, back at Fluttershy's cottage, Heavy, or Mr. Bear according to his new identity given by Fluttershy, Heavy was enjoying a lazy afternoon with Fluttershy sleeping on his lap while Rainbow Dash was lazing on a bed of clouds that she made above Fluttershy's cottage. She wanted to keep an eye on Heavy in case he hurt Fluttershy but she never was good at keeping watch. She fell asleep even before Heavy could doze off.<p>

"Ah, now this is the life," Heavy said to himself while his right hand unconsciously stroke Fluttershy's soft pink mane.

"Fluttershy, are yo home?"

The voice came from the front entrance of the cottage. At first, Heavy was excited because he thought Engineer had arrived to rescue him but when he realized the voice was feminine, his shoulders drooped. Whoever that voice belongs to, it sure had Engineer's accent but it did not come from a male. Heavy decided to ignore the voice and went back to relaxing. When nobody came to receive the guest, she started knocking on the door incessantly until it woke Fluttershy up. She stared lazily towards the door and looked at Heavy with a weak smile.

"Mr. Bear, could you be a dear and let Applejack in?" Fluttershy asked.

"Do ho ho, da, anything for Fluttershy," Heavy said with a hearty chuckle.

He placed the yellow pegasus on a couch and walked towards the door. He bumped into the ceiling more than once due to his height and nearly knocked down a vase. The Russian was clumsy but at least he did not break anything. When he opened the door, he was greeted by two ponies. One was an orange pony with light yellow tail and mane and wore a cowboy's hat while the other pony was a dark blue winged unicorn and was taller than the orange pony. The two were surprised to see a giant of a human standing at the door but the one that received the most surprise was the orange pony.

"Whoa nelly, Fluttershy, since when did you invite a gorilla over to your place?" Applejack asked while looking past Heavy.

"Oh, he's not a gorilla," Fluttershy corrected. "This is Mr. Bear and he's a human."

"A what now? Is that a new creature from the Everfree Forest?" Applejack wondered as she sized up Heavy, who was frowning at her for calling him a gorilla.

"By our mother's blood, how is this possible?" the alicorn exclaimed with surprise. "How is it that thy presence in Equestria went unfelt?"

Applejack turned to look at the surprised alicorn. "Princess Luna, you know something 'bout them?"

"Yes, a lot more than what thou could imagine. Humans were once inhabitants of this land before – "

"Alright, alright, save us the history lessons for later, princess," Applejack interrupted before Luna could talk about the history of the humans. "So…um…Mr. Bear, what brings you to this part of the town?" Applejack asked Heavy in a friendly manner.

"I was teleported here," Heavy said flatly.

"Teleported huh. Is there some kind of fancy machine Twilight made to bring you here?" Applejack wondered.

"Nyet, teleporter was made by Engineer," Heavy corrected.

Applejack did not seem convinced while Luna remained surprised as ever. Fluttershy did not seem at all bothered by Princess Luna's presence now that she has gotten used to her being a regular guest. For the past few months after Nightmare Night, Fluttershy had been tutoring Luna in the ways of common speak and speaking softly so as to not scare other ponies away when she talked. They were making progress but Luna still had some tendencies to use the traditional Canterlot voice and archaic terms.

Fluttershy had an idea. Perhaps she could give Heavy the honors of teaching the princess. His language was simple and understandable despite the occasional third-person reference and since Luna seemed to know a thing or two about humans, maybe they could get along just fine too.

"Please, do come in. We can start lessons right away," Fluttershy said.

Heavy stepped aside and let the ponies in. Both Applejack and Luna passed Heavy by with expressions of suspicion on their faces and they glared at him when they walked past him. Heavy did not seem concerned by their stares. He was still bigger and stronger than both of them but they were Fluttershy's friends and guests and it would be bad to attack them.

* * *

><p>Back at Dustbowl…<p>

"I'm gonna mail my boot to the Kaiser with your ass around it!" Soldier said gruffly after killing a BLU Medic.

He saw a shadow materialize behind him and knew it was a Spy. He reached for his shovel even though he knew it was too late to save himself from being backstabbed. Fortunately, the stab never came as the BLU Spy was shot in the head. Soldier thought it was Sniper but when he turned around, he saw Engineer instead with Frontier Justice in his hands.

"You had me excited for nothing, professor. I thought you were Sniper," Soldier said while wiping away some blood stains on his face.

"Nope, it's just me," Engineer said and pumped Frontier Justice once to eject the empty shell. "You can thank me later."

"I'll be thanking you once you've returned Heavy and Sniper," Soldier growled and reloaded Liberty Launcher. "Now, we've got a battle to win! We've got BLU on the run!"

Heavy charged into the fray once more with his rocket launcher blazing towards an oncoming BLU Demoman. It was good to see that a few minutes of planning showed some rather pleasing results and Engineer realized they could beat BLU even without Heavy and Sniper after all. Nevertheless, they were still part of the team and their roles were equally important as everyone else's.

While RED team pushed towards the last control point of Dustbowl, Scout spotted something from the corner of his eye floating about the sandy ground. When he turned his head to look at it, he saw nothing. That was not the last time he saw it though. Several times during the battle, he noticed the same black fleeting miasma darting about the buildings and occasionally the control points.

"Whoa, that is some freaky thing," Scout said. "Hey, you seeing this?" he called out to Medic, who was behind him.

"Vat did you see?" Medic asked as he was too busy sawing BLU Soldier's limbs off.

"I saw this…this black mist thing! It was here a second ago," Scout said and pointed at the newly captured point he was standing on.

Medic looked at the control point and raised an eyebrow. It did not seem out of the ordinary and except for a slightly dented surface, the control point was as normal as it could get. Medic though Scout was trying to pull his leg so he could laugh at him for falling into one of Scout's tricks. No, Medic was too smart for that.

"Very funny, Scout. Ze control point has nothing zhere," Medic said with a snort.

"No, seriously man, I saw it. I saw it from the corner of my eyes but when I looked at it directly, poof, it vanished!" Scout insisted.

He was trying hard to convince Medic about the strange thing he saw until he did not see a red dot painted on the back of his head. The BLU Sniper smiled. That babbling RED Scout had too much time in his hands and now he will pay for his lack of attention and for clubbing BLU Sniper's head a few minutes ago which killed him.

"I got you in my sights, you bloody wanka," BLU Sniper muttered.

Suddenly, the end of his scope went dark. BLU Sniper thought something had fallen in front of it but when he looked away from his scope, he found himself staring at a black-colored mist with tiny specks of white sparkles in it. BLU Sniper was mesmerized for a moment until he realized it meant trouble when the mist spoke to him.

"Evan Collins, you have the eyes of an eagle," said the mist in a hollow yet seductive voice. "What you see is what your enemies don't see. You are a great killing machine…and a cold-blooded killer."

"Oi, what exactly are you?" BLU Sniper asked.

"I am who I am. My identity shall be revealed in due time but from this moment forth, you and your fellow teammates will work for me. You are no longer BLU," the mist said as it swimmed around the BLU Sniper and caressed his cheek.

"Fat chance," BLU Sniper snorted. "You're only part of my imagination…or you're a spy. C'mere, I'll gut you alive!"

BLU Sniper tried to slash the blue mist but it dissipated and reappeared behind BLU Sniper. This time, instead of a formless shape, the mist had shaped itself into the figure which resembled a winged unicorn with blue eyes and cat-like pupils. BLU Sniper was taken aback.

"Holy dooley, what are you?"

"In due time…in due time," the figure said in a dark manner and dissipated into thin air.

BLU Sniper did not see the RED Spy behind him and was stabbed in the back. It killed him instantly and Spy adjusted his tie in an elegant fashion before scowling at the dead body of the BLU Sniper.

"That was not part of the match. Whatever it was, I think it means trouble. The rest would want to hear about this," Spy said to himself and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

***/

Sniper cursed his bad luck and stupidity.

He just had to poke his nose in other places and now look what it did to him. The Australian could have gotten away but no, because of his nosiness, he's now confined in a dungeon. Sniper surveyed his surroundings quietly. The dungeon cell he was kept in was rather clean and had other facilities such as a hay bed and a basin. The only thing it lacked was a proper toilet bowl. Unlike modern prisons though, the dungeon chambers and halls were lit up with torches.

Two pegasus guards were stationed outside of his cell and one of them had a bunch of keys strapped to the side of his armor. It seemed close enough for Sniper to grab. He crept towards the cell door slowly and slipped his hand in between the bars. Sniper thought he could make it until one of the guards saw his hand and opened his wing. Sniper was taken by surprise and he quickly reeled his hand back.

"You're a sly one, human, but not sly enough. No criminal scum is getting out of here on my watch," the guard said gruffly.

"I'll stab you if I had a knife," Sniper muttered angrily. "What'd I ever do to you?" he asked loudly.

"For assaulting a guard and threatening Princess Celestia, you should've been sent to the gallows. Fortunately for you, the princess was kind enough to lessen your sentence and decided to imprison you instead," one of the guards replied.

"Oh, so that was your princess? What're you, a Middle Age pony?" Sniper mocked.

The guards ignored him and all Sniper could say was "Ah, piss". He did try annoying the gaurds so that they would come in and he would tackle the two and escape. However, they were a stoic lot and despite Sniper's best insults and taunts, the two remained unmoved. Sniper did try throwing hay at them but again, they stood quietly.

"When Princess Celestia said that monkeys and humans were genetically related, I don't find it hard to believe at all now that we've seen the evidence," the guard on the right muttered to his companion.

"I think they're monkeys except bigger in size and with a little bit more intelligence," the guard on the left said.

"And they don't have a tail," the other guard added.

Sniper gave up on trying to make them come in. They just would not move at all and while his taunting would have worked on BLU team, it sure as hell did not work on the ponies. An hour later, while Sniper was laying down on the hay bed, another guard, this time a unicorn, approached the two guards and spoke to them. They were speaking rather softly so Sniper could not hear what they were saying. Then, to his surprise, the guards opened the cell door and the unicorn guard came in.

"Princess Celestia requests your audience at the castle chambers. No funny business or I'll have you turned into a frog. Also, when speaking to the princess, you will address her as "Your Highness" or "Ma'am"," said the unicorn guard in a formal manner.

"Listen, wanka, I'm not your prisoner, and I DEFINITELY am not for you to order around. I'd say it's enough that I'm unarmed," Sniper shot back.

"That'll be your choice, human. Get moving now."

Sniper was glad to get out of the dungeons and into the open. Luckily for him, the castle was just a short distance away. It would have been nice to look at the surroundings but under such circumstances, Sniper could only give quick glances. The castle sat at the edge of a cliff and the designs reminded Sniper of castles in fairy tales. How ponies built the castle without hands was beyond him but then again, he noticed unicorns were able to manipulate objects without actually touching them and they could do so with dexterity that only human hands could achieve. It was fascinating.

The guards were kind enough not to shackle him and make him drag an iron ball attached to leg cuffs but being led to see the princess with the guards walking behind him made Sniper feel uncomfortable. Upon reaching the entrance of the castle, Sniper was led by two unicorn guards into the castle. Looking up at the ceilings and at the stained glass windows, the castle interior exuded a feel of grandeur and light color schemes were pleasing to the eyes.

"_Not bad for a bunch of show ponies," _Sniper thought.

At the end of the long hall were two heavy double doors and when they were opened, Sniper saw the princess alicorn sitting on top of her throne at the end of the throne chamber and she wore a weak smile on her face. With a wave of her hoof, the guards in the chamber bowed and left the area, leaving Sniper and the princess alone. The doors behind Sniper slammed shut as the last guard exited.

"Tell me, human, do you know anything about the Nightmare cult?" Princess Celestia asked softly.

"Oh, straight to the point are we?" Sniper asked back and crossed his arms indignantly. "Listen here, "Your Highness", I've got nothing to do with this cult of yours and I'm definitely not an enemy if that's what you're thinking."

The princess did not seem convinced. "If that is the case, perhaps you could tell me who you are, where your homeland is and how you came to Equestria. I, for one, would like to know because you don't look anything like the other humans I've met many centuries ago."

"And how's that suppose to answer your first question?"

"Believe me, human, every little detail counts."

Sniper nodded his head slowly. The princess was calm and all but Sniper still did not like her. Then again, he would not want to mess with a pony who was obviously rather powerful and if what she claimed about having lived that long was true, she has to be a deity or some sort.

"Here's a story for you," Sniper said darkly.

* * *

><p><em>End Note<em>: _I plan to make this a long one so I'll reveal details little by little. Also, I'm planning on another fic which I plan to submit to Equestria Daily. It's a humor fic called "Painis and the Pink", featuring Painis Cupcake (by RubberFruit) and Pinkamena Diane Pie as well as other famous Gmod Monsters such as Vagineer and Christian Brutal Sniper. Got ideas for a storyline? Feel free to PM me. I love collecting ideas._


	6. Chapter 5

**Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy**

**Chapter 5: **The BLU Conspiracy

_**Note from the Medic**__: Ugh, you are such a lazy writer! Do you realize ze readers have been waiting for you, dummkopf?_

"A long time ago, when I was a little child, I used to love playing with the slingshot. I shot birds, koala bears, kangaroos…all those creatures. I must admit, I'm quite the shooter. I had a brother though I can't seem to remember his name. He too was a slingshot expert like me. In fact, we're known as the Slingshot Brothers in Sydney. Well, we parted ways after graduating from high school. My brother disappeared and I trained to become a sniper in the military. When I signed up for sniper school, I noticed several mysterious figures looking at me, sizing me up. Anyway, I trained to become a top sniper. I've been on several tours of duty to different parts of the world and I bagged more kills than the average Sniper Joe. One shot, one kill. After completing my tour of duty in Vietnam, I returned to Australia only to be greeted by my commanding officer telling me that I've been reassigned for "military evaluation". After that…I can't remember what happened. The next thing I knew, I found myself fighting deathmatches with a team that looks exactly like us except with a different color scheme. So much for a backstory, hmm? As for how I got here, let me put it this way…I WAS TELEPORTED HERE!"

Princess Celestia was caught off guard by Sniper's sudden bellow of anger. He was mad but not to the point that it made him look like a crazed gunman. Sniper knew nothing about any Nightmare Moon or cult or pony stuff and yet this "princess" of an alicorn accused him of something he did not commit. How could he not be mad?

She still seem unconvinced though so Sniper continued with his story and described how the BLU Spy messed up Engineer's experimental mass telerporter.

"And that's how I arrive in your…world…realm, whatever you call it. I didn't want to believe it but I pinched myself several times already. Nothing's working," Sniper remarked with his arms crossed defiantly.

The human was defiant but Celestia could tell he told the truth, at least regarding how he got here.

"You mentioned that you have another friend with you. Where is he?" Celestia asked.

"Well, "Your Highness", I have no idea," Sniper said with a shrug.

"Is he dangerous?"

"As long as he's not threatened, he's as docile as a dove."

Princess Celestia nodded her head slowly. She had the guards release Sniper from his shackles. They did so reluctantly and once the shackles fell, Sniper rubbed his sore ankles for a bit to ease the discomfort caused by the iron shackles.

"I'm glad you understand, princess, that I'm no threat. Say, if you're so powerful, why don't you send me back to my dimension? Maybe that way, you can save us from a lot of trouble," said Sniper.

"Teleporting a creature to other dimensions is near impossible…even for me. There're a lot of risks as well as uncertainties," Princess Celestia replied.

"So…I'm not going anywhere then?"

"I'm afraid not."

Sniper was hoping that he could be sent home. Apparently, fate has decided to mock him once more. Not that he looked forward to dying again in gladiator games; it's just that he can't stand the ponies. Too much love and no bite, except for the guards of course. Even so, the guards were rather easy to take down compared to a mall security guard.

"Well then," Sniper said after a few seconds of silence, "I'll be…on my way…since I'm no harm to you and all. I'll show myself out."

"Not so fast, human. I still can't have you going around causing trouble," said the princess.

"What trouble have I caused? The guard I attacked? That bloody wanka had it coming. No, princess, it's the other way round. Your ponies are causing ME trouble, especially that pink one called…um…what's her name again? Pinkie Cake? No..wait…Punky Buns? Kinky Pie?"

"You mean Pinkie Pie?"

"Yes, her!"

"As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Happy Smiles, Pinkie Pie isn't a troublemaker though I must admit she is overly enthusiastic about making friends. I take it that you don't like parties?"

"After working as a lone wolf for many years, parties mean nothing to me. For me, I have standards and parties aren't my thing."

It was odd to actually meet somepony, or rather, someone, who doesn't enjoy a good party, especially if it was hosted by Ponyville's resident party planner. Perhaps there is more to this human than meets the eye and Celestia was intrigued.

"Alright, I'll let you go but if my guards ever catch you causing trouble, I'll have you back here for questioning. You're free to go," said Princess Celestia.

"About bloody time too," Sniper muttered.

Sniper was instructed to go to the jailor to retrieve his belongings. He approached the jailor's desk and was greeted by a rather stocky stallion. He didn't seem bothered by the fact that Sniper was a human, as if he had seen humans before.

"I've got word from the princess. She says you're allowed to go," the jailor said.

"Oh really, I didn't know," Sniper said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I didn't either," the jailor replied in an equally sarcastic manner. "Your things are all in the evidence box behind my desk. I've unlocked it so just grab your stuff. Don't lemme catch you nicking things that aren't yours."

"I'll be nicking your sorry ass when I get my hands on my weapons," Sniper muttered.

Thankfully, his equipments were still in good condition though he noticed signs of them being tampered with. The scope on his sniper rifle has been removed and the magazine of his submachine gun was also removed. They weren't smart enough to fire the weapon though. Even if they knew, their hooves wouldn't fit into the trigger guard anyway. Sniper slapped the ammo clip into the weapon's receiver and pulled the cocking pin.

With all equipment retrieved, Sniper walked out of the dungeon and into the streets of Canterlot. Aside from the occasional glances by ponies, not many took notice of him. They seemed like a classy bunch, a bunch of snobs as Sniper would call them. All he wanted now is to get out of there and disappear into the wilderness.

As he went about looking for an exit, Sniper did not notice there was a pony stalking him.

* * *

><p>Heavy wanted to be alone for a while. He wanted to explore his surroundings while Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash taught Princess Luna the modern way of speaking. He went to the chicken coop to watch the chickens run around. A few of them approached him and Heavy found a bag of chicken feed next to the coop. He scattered the fed onto the ground and watched the chickens peck away at it. Even the meadowlark from Fluttershy's cottage came and rested on Heavy's shoulder, singing a song for him.<p>

"This is like in Russia," Heavy said to himself. "In Aunt Olga's farm."

He was accepted by the creatures and none of them ran away when he came near them. The chickens, birds and squirrels even fed out of his gigantic hand. Funnily enough, the creatures here seemed braver and easily tamed compared to the ones back in his dimension. It was a good thing because that meant Heavy could enjoy their company and them in his. Never has Heavy seen such harmony before, not even his team mates could provide something like this.

Yes, this place was definitely a place that Heavy wanted to stay in for good. It's ten times better than shedding blood and crushing the puny men from BLU team over and over again. A time to relax –

CRASH!

Heavy looked towards the direction of the crashing noise. It sounded as if someone ran through a stack of crates and it sounded like it came from the forest. Heavy went to investigate the source of the noise and did his best to tiptoe as quietly as possible. He had left Sasha in Fluttershy's cottage but he still got his shotgun as backup. As Heavy edged closer towards the entry into the forest, he heard whispers coming from inside the forest. They weren't loud but Heavy was close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation. Even a bird perched on his shoulders eavesdropped along.

"You foal, those were important stuff for the resurrection ceremony! You break one of those crates again and Midnight Sun's gonna have your head!"

"Sorry, boss, I'll be careful."

The one doing the scolding was definitely an educated one while the other sounded like a numbskull. Whatever this resurrection ceremony was, it didn't sound good at all. As much as Heavy felt like intervening, he decided that it is better to leave things be…for now. He turned to the bird perched on his shoulder and placed a finger near his lips. The meadowlark understood what he meant and did a zipping gesture across its beak.

Heavy kept his shotgun and snuck back to the cottage. He stepped on a few twigs on the way but every time he expected something to burst out from the forest, nothing came at him.

"I think I smell trouble," Heavy said to the meadowlark, which the bird agreed by chirping.

Upon returning to the cottage, the princess had already left. Heavy wanted to talk to her but there was always another time. He went into the cottage and saw Fluttershy talking with Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Bear. Princess Luna wanted to talk to you but she had other duties to perform," Fluttershy said softly.

"Seems like she's interested in the whole "human" thing," Dash added. "Guess you're more popular than you look, eh," she said while elbowing Heavy.

It was nice and all but Heavy felt worried for Fluttershy. If there was evil in the forest, Heavy wanted to protect Fluttershy. There was no way he'd allow something bad to befall her.

"Um…what's with the look?" Dash asked when he noticed his furrowed eyebrows and serious expression.

Heavy was quiet for a few seconds before saying, "Nothing."

Dash knew it was far from nothing but she didn't attempt to interrogate him. Heavy might get annoyed and who knows what he would do when he's annoyed. Dash knew Heavy's strength and she knew better than to get in his way even though she didn't like admitting it.

"Um…whatever you say, Mr. Bear," Fluttershy said. "Want to have lunch? I'm making sandwich today."

"Sandvich? Good idea!" Heavy exclaimed happily with a wide grin. After Sasha, the sandvich was Heavy's favorite.

Of course, Heavy knew nothing about what ingredients ponies put in their sandwiches.

* * *

><p>"ATTACK!" Soldier yelled and charged at BLU Team with his Equalizer.<p>

Nothing could stop a half-crazed man like him. He smacked BLU Demoman in the head and gouged his good eye out with the sharp end of Equalizer. BLU Pyro tried to intervene but Soldier quickly turned around, grabbed BLU Pyro's shoulders roughly and headbutted his face. From afar, Engineer and Scout looked on, their eyes locked on to his every move.

"Looks like Major Malfunction got some new moves," Scout remarked. "I dunno what got into him that made him like that," he added while tapping his own shoulder with his bat.

"Whatever the case, sonny, it ain't a bad thing. We could use a victory," Engineer said.

Ever since the teams moved to 2Fort, RED Team was getting an equal number of victories and defeats. They were faring better than what happened at Dustbowl ever since Sniper and Heavy went missing. Engineer was still working around the clock to repair the teleporter so they could go get the two but moving maps meant moving heavy loads of equipments. It wasn't easy unpacking the machines but he managed it. Engineer found a good place to hide them from BLU Spy and from prying BLU eyes. While there was progress, it wasn't good enough to satisfy the Texan. It was progressing too slowly.

"Huddah hu!" Pyro called out to Demoman after snatching the enemy intelligence from their base.

"Good work, laddie! Quick, make a run for it!" Demoman exclaimed when he saw BLU Heavy and BLU Soldier enter the room.

The Scottish demolitions expert lobbed a few grenades at them and while the BLU Soldier dodged his shots, BLU Heavy was blown up by a grenade. Demoman was out of grenades so he made a quick escape before BLU Soldier could recover from the attack.

Demoman was a few meters behind Pyro. Usually, the briefcase would leave a trail of papers behind because it was so full that papers would stick out of it. They never knew what the papers were about but given the fact that they were made to capture it for the sake of the game, Demoman suspected that the papers contained nothing more than squiggles and doodles just for show. He saw no trails of paper this time though. The briefcase seemed rather light too, which was quite unusual. Pyro was halfway across the bridge when a loud shot rang out. Blood spurted from the back of Pyro's head and he fell onto the ground dead. Demoman gritted his teeth and stopped near the BLU base entrance.

"I got it, I got it!" Scout exclaimed and ran to pick up the briefcase before the BLU Sniper could land a shot on him.

Soldier was at the RED base battlements and he fired two rockets towards the enemy Sniper. Both rockets missed but it gave Scout a chance to run before BLU Sniper could set his sights on him again. The match was a quick one and it ended after Scout dropped the intelligence in their base.

"What, zat's it? Huh, zat was short," Medic said.

"Who cares," said Scout. "We won!"

Soldier approached the briefcase and took a long look at it. He rubbed his chin slowly and hummed thoughtfully before turning around to look at his companions.

"This briefcase is wrong!" he said.

"Wha – how can it be wrong?" Scout asked. "That briefcase is blue!" he said and pointed at it.

"Use your head, boy. Intelligence briefcase usually have papers sticking out of them. This one has none at all!"

"Looks like Soldier ain't all brawn after all," Engineer quipped. "He's right, though. This briefcase ain't your usual briefcase. Look at it," he held it in his hand and lifted it up and down like a dumbbell. "It's too light and," he shook the briefcase which emitted a metallic sound, "there's something in there that ain't papers."

"So what're you saying, overalls?" Scout asked while keeping away his bat.

"I'm saying that something ain't right. If ya'll noticed BLU, they're fighting like bulls and they really don't want us near their intelligence. Well, it's always the case but somehow, they're all camping in their base a lot more than usual," Engineer answered.

Engineer had a point though. BLU Team had been camping rather frequently in recent matches but nobody knew why. It didn't occur to them that the intelligence held particular importance since most of them were just props in usual matches. Something was definitely up.

"What say we crack open the briefcase and see what they're guarding so intently?" Soldier cracked his knuckles and tried to pry the briefcase open with his Equalizer.

"Now wait just a minute, ye can't open it like that. I'm taking it to my lab so I can open it in a proper manner. Don't wanna damage anything important," Engineer said and snatched the briefcase away from Soldier.

Nobody objected to that so they allowed him to take it but Pyro eyed Engineer suspiciously. The secret lab was located somewhere outside of 2Fort accessible via an entrance in the wooden wall at the courtyard. It had movable planks so that it could cover up the hole. The lab was nothing more than a medium-sized hut with a zinc roof but it had electrical wires connected to it to power the machines in it. Engineer approached the hut and opened the door. After closing the door, 'Engineer' was engulfed in a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, BLU Spy chuckled softly and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"All in the days work…pardner," he taunted Engineer who was hogtied, gagged and laying on the hay strewn floor. "Your friends certainly gave us quite a scare but as usual," BLU Spy approached Engineer and traced his knife across Engineer's face slowly, "we always win."

Engineer wanted to headbutt BLU Spy but he retreated even before Engineer could make his move.

"I'm afraid the plans we have for BLU's future will be the death of RED when it happens. As much as I enjoy our trivial rivalry, I think it's time to end it all…and we," BLU Spy patted the briefcase, "have external help."

BLU Spy reached for a copy of the mass teleporter blueprints on the table and took it.

"I'll be taking these," he said.

He gave a menacing laugh before disappearing into thin air. The door swing open and closed shut with a loud bang. Engineer cursed himself for letting his guard down during battle but the deed has been done. Fortunately, Engineer had backup blueprints but with BLU Team gaining knowledge of his mass teleporter technology, that meant that Engineer had to work two times faster before BLU's Engineer could replicate his technology.

Engineer tried to loosen his bonds but they were so tightly bound that it was nearly impossible for him to move. As luck would have it, Pyro burst into the shed with his Back Scratcher. His eyes immediately locked onto Engineer and he quickly untied him.

"Thanks, partner, but I'm afraid you missed that shape-shifting varmin," Engineer said to Pyro. "He got away with a copy of the teleporter blueprints and the intelligence briefcase."

"Mmph! Huddah huh mppf!" Pyro said.

"You'll get your chance to kill that varmin in the next match, boy. Right now, he's made things harder for me. If that BLU clone of mine builds the teleporter first, we can lose a lot of battles," Engineer muttered.

In the mean time, Spy was in BLU's base disguised as the BLU Scout. The real BLU Scout was out cold and Spy had hidden him in the sewers. Disguising wasn't hard for him but he had to maintain Scout's personality. As much as he loathed acting like an uneducated youngster, it was imperative that he acted as such as to maintain his disguise.

"I can't believe you lost the briefcase!" BLU Soldier ranted. "What is wrong with you maggots? I gave you a simple order to protect the briefcase and you let Smokey Joe and Cyclops get the better of you!"

Spy's curiosity was piqued. Both teams never showed the slightest amount of interest in a simple captured briefcase. RED Team certainly didn't go mad over a captured briefcase and BLU Team was the same too…until recently. Whatever was in the briefcase must be rather important to them but why would they put something that is important to them in that briefcase when they knew it would be a target? Questions ran through Spy's mind and he needed answers.

"Ahem, gentlemen," a familiar voice came from the ramp.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their heads to look at BLU Spy. He paused to throw aside his spent cigarette and tossed the briefcase at BLU Sniper. He caught it and looked at it before looking back at BLU Spy.

"You imbeciles should be more careful with that. Our new employer won't be pleased if she loses it. It is IMPORTANT that the REDs do not find out about its content," BLU Spy said to the rest of his team.

"Just what exactly is in there anyway?" Spy (disguised as Scout) asked.

"Something that can change our fortunes," BLU Spy said flatly. He approached Spy and looked at him in a dangerous manner before adding the word, "Forever."

BLU Sniper placed the briefcase on the desk and BLU Spy opened it. Spy thought it was some sort of super weapon that would allow BLU Team to cheat but what he saw was not what he expected. Inside the briefcase were a dark blue – black gem and a blue-colored helmet.

"So…we're getting new hats again?" BLU Soldier asked.

"I don't know but I can assure you, my simpleton friend, that these two are important. At least that's what our new employer said to me," BLU Spy said coolly.

Spy wondered who this new employer was…

* * *

><p>Sniper thought he knew where he was going but after leaving Canterlot, he found himself back in Ponyville again. Pinkie Pie had half the town go on a search for him. Sniper admired her persistence but he was equally persistent too. He would avoid the ponies whether Pinkie liked it or not. After all, he got everything he needed to survive the forest and being an outdoorsman, it was no problem for him.<p>

Sniper wandered deep into the forest with an empty stomach. It has been a while since he had a good meal and Sniper saw some good food walking about. He spied a few pheasants feeding under a tree and they looked juicy. Sniper smiled – something he rarely did.

"Now that's some good eating," he said to himself and equipped his sniper rifle. "I may have missed my deer meal yesterday but today, there's no escaping."

He raised his rifle and took aim at the fattest pheasant. He aimed for the head and waited for the charge bar to fill. He was patient and the patient hunter gets the prey. The charge bar filled and emitted a soft beep. Sniper pulled the trigger. The kill was a success and the pheasant lay on the ground in a pool of its own blood. The loud bang from the rifle scared the rest away along with creatures near the area. It didn't matter to Sniper. He got his meal and that was all that matters.

Sniper walked up to the dead pheasant and grabbed it by the tail.

"Don't worry, your death won't be in vain because soon, you'll be swimming in my stomach," Sniper said hungrily.

He wondered if this pheasant tasted like the real thing. There was only one way to find out. Sniper stripped the pheasant of its feathers and used his kukri to cut it up into smaller pieces. He found a long and sharp stick which he used to skewer the meat and roasted it over a campfire. While he waited for the meat to cook, Sniper took the liberty to make a hunting bow. The Everfree Forest had everything he needed to make a bow and a couple of arrows which he used some sharpened stones for arrowheads.

The outcome was a very crude bow and crude arrows but when Sniper tested them, it worked well enough for hunting big and small game despite being less inaccurate than Huntsman. With the pheasant meat ready, Sniper took a big bite out of it and chewed it slowly.

"Could use some spices," Sniper said with a nod. It tasted like the real thing, which was good because that meant Sniper could hunt for food knowing they're safe to eat.

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is that really a human I see?" Sniper heard someone said in a rhyme.

Sniper looked around quickly. He swore he heard someone spoke and it sounded like it came from behind him. Sniper put down his food and grabbed his bow. If it was an ambush, Sniper wanted to end it before it could end him. He walked towards a bush and pushed it aside. There, he found a zebra looking at him with awe and surprise.

"Do tell me my dear, how is it that humans are here?" the zebra asked

"What the? First, talking show ponies, now, a talking zebra? This world's weirder than Spy's wardrobe," Sniper said. "Who are you?"

_A/N: I'm so, so sorry for not updating for a long time. Ran into a metaphorical brick wall but thank you for reviewing and liking this fic, they keep me going. I can't promise I'll update regularly but I can assure you this fic isn't dead. The show must go on! Forgive me if I made some mistakes._


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